An Open Letter to Readers & Bloggers

Dear Blog-Friends,

Over the last (I think) 3 years, I have enjoyed your company. Better said, because of you, I have had more courage and self-appreciation.

It is with deep regret that I sadly tell you...I am quitting blogging.

My life is very full now - my daughter, husband, brother, school, dogs, cats, house. I just don't have the time to dedicate to this blog.

I thank all of you for your help and support. Please feel free to comment or email me (if you put your email in a comment, I won't post the comment).

Be Well.

Peace

Mind & Body

Don't ever let anyone tell you that the Mind & Body are not connected.

With all the stress I've been under over the last 12+ months - and more so over the last 2 - my body is "rejecting" my mind.

Covered in scales
red with itch
blood in dots

Brain is shaken
stirred
clamoring with mud

Relaxation
impossible to find
cramped in a box

Surprisingly, my Spirituality is in tact.

Peace

The Wall that Heals

We went to see the miniature reproduction of the Vietnam War Memorial - "The Wall that Heals".
I cannot describe to you the sadness and emptiness I found there. Being empathetic and sensitive has its downside.

I weep for the loss
of stranger's kin
I weep for the unknown
the fallen have faced
I weep for the men
who will never relax
who are now in the plane
reserved for those
who will no longer
suffer

I weep for the loss
of my husband's friends
I weep for the loss
of my father's soul
I weep knowing
my father will never
share the loss of his
innocence only to
suffer

Peace

What to tell

Spiritually, things are looking up (no pun intended). I am performing new exercises to bring me closer to my inner self and, thus, the Goddess and God. I don't know if it is my upbringing or something else, but, my "main" Being is male. Perhaps it is just what I need now....

I'm not sure how much - if anything - to write about what has been happening this month. I have very good blog friends - and "real" friends - who want to know how to help. For that, I am grateful in ways I cannot verbalize. There is just SO much going on and SO much backstory and SO much else to tell. How much is too much for people?

Peace

New Moon, New Trials

Much has been happening - personally, spiritually. It will take a few posts to write about it. Here is the preview.

Spiritually: I re-picked up a book, The Circle Within, last week. I am determined to rejuvenate my spirituality and this book is a good way to start. Thank you, Bridgette, for the book. My happiness is increasing by the moment.

Personally: My Child's living arrangements are now in turmoil, again. Yes, I thought this was all figured out. But, due to what happened at the end of last year and the interference of my ex's spouse, things are a mess. Anger is not a strong enough word.

Until the next post....

Peace

Back and then again...

Being sick is no fun. Having lots of work to do is no fun, too. Having no help to do the work and no help while being sick, that is no fun, too, too. Moving on...

I've finally got some things under control, and, after the Eclipse last week (or the week before?) I've got more balance and energy - Thank you Goddess!
But, of course, there is that new rock in my shoe...I must be gone for most of the coming week. It has to do with my Child and how her father chooses not to be human. Yes, you will get a full report (or, as full as possible) when I return.

Until then I found all this cool stuff.

I subscribe to About.com's Wicca Newsletter. This recent note is about persecution of Wiccans/Pagans in other countries and what we - that is anyone who just deems the whole mess as wrong - can do to help. The author also found this tidbit which I think is the best way to have revenge! Let me know what you think about these.

Peace

Of Illness & Cleaning

I've been taking even more steps toward de-cluttering my home and my life. It is working out pretty well. It is difficult, though, to just let some things "go"; but, gosh, I just can't figure out how to clone myself! I will have to write a post dedicated to what I have been doing - in more detail - and where I found some of my inspiration - one from Willow :)

My spouse - who is rarely ill - has been sick for a week. So sick, in fact, he did not go to work for 2 days! This is unheard of! Because of this, even less stuff got "done" around the home; and the phone rang more often with MIL checking on him 2 or 4 times a day. He is finally coming out of it, but, guess what? Yup - my turn! I'm not proud like him - I will take any manner of OTC or homeopathic remedies I can find to be (somewhat) human during waking hours.

I've already started my morning asking Goddess to give me strength and wellness during the day, and then, while I sleep, give me strength to heal. I've also asked her forgiveness for using the elixirs and 'candies' made by Dr. Vicks and Dr. Ricola. I think she is OK with it.

Peace

The First Week of February

February was a difficult month for me for nearly 20 years. This month marks the birth of 3 people; one is my Grandfather, which this post is not about. The of the other 2, one is related; the last one is not, really.

With Imbolc on the 2nd, I thought I'd have another chance to drop more guilt and sadness that I associate with this month. But, I did not prepare for Imbolc and I did not prepare for the month.

Guilt and sadness are self-imposed.
I have never completely dealt with the truth of the situation.
I've talked about it, emailed with people, written about it, too.
The pain lessens, but I do not understand why I still feel the emptiness.
I'm busy with my Child, with school; I should not even notice the hole.

I sincerely hope those of you who celebrated Imbolc had a fine one.

Peace

Patience, Poppit

I've written my letter and sent it on to Bridgette. Once I know she has it, I will post the recent scare. Until then...

What would happen if a Pagan ran for President? I think they are too smart to do so, but, if Mitt Romney is going too re-write the Constitution to align with (his version) of what (his) God wants - if he is elected President - and people don't seem upset by this - imagine what clear-thinking Pagans could do!

I can't find the exact speech I heard about on Air America, but I did find this one which sounds more like a sermon than a political speech.

p.s. Didn't Mr. Obama once state he was a Muslim?

So, I'll do it

I have decided to write about the kidnapping, threats, and Spiritual tearing and posting it on this blog.

However, before I can do so, I must write it in a letter to the person who has been by my side - Spiritually and otherwise - for the last few years. My "sister" Bridgette.

Once I write the letter and send it off, I will publish a version here.

Be patient, please.

In the meantime, any help or advice on re-affirming my Beliefs - I need new books to read, too - would be greatly appreciated.

Peace

Oh Pen who art glorified

I've thought about writing the recent experience. My Premier blog-friend tells me I should. Perhaps this will help heal my ripped Spiritualness too? Of course, Willow's tape is helping.

If I decide to write about it, it may not appear until next week. I also don't know if it will be one entry, or many. Bear with me, please.

Peace

Arrival

First, thanks to those of you who have sent me comments and emails giving me hope and strength.

Second, she is home - safe. There will be a lot of talking in this house today.

My spirituality has taken a hit - more like a knife making a gashing hole. I'm not sure how to fix it this time.

Peace

Winter Solstice

From Mythica:

Cernunnos

"The Horned One" is a Celtic god of fertility, life, animals, wealth, and the underworld. He was worshipped all over Gaul, and his cult spread into Britain as well. Cernunnos is depicted with the antlers of a stag, sometimes carries a purse filled with coin. The Horned God is born at the winter solstice, marries the goddess at Beltane, and dies at the summer solstice. He alternates with the goddess of the moon in ruling over life and death, continuing the cycle of death, rebirth and reincarnation.

Paleolithic cave paintings found in France that depict a stag standing upright or a man dressed in stag costume seem to indicate that Cernunnos' origins date to those times. Romans sometimes portrayed him with three cranes flying above his head. Known to the Druids as Hu Gadarn. God of the underworld and astral planes. The consort of the great goddess. He was often depicted holding a bag of money, or accompanied by a ram-headed serpent and a stag. Most notably is the famous Gundestrup cauldron discovered in Denmark.

Blessed Yule!

School, Yule and being Cool

Made you smile, didn't I?!

So, school starts in January. I am having difficulty getting all the people who are paying for this to get their butts in gear! Frustrating waiting for someone to do something that they say "takes only a few minutes". But, I'm patient - more so now than ever!

Yule - festive, gift-giving, eat-too-much! I am hoping to decorate my Altar for this Yule. I have no Yule Log - my fault - so I need to do something! With Parvarti's help, the Tree is glowing with white lights this year.

The event that will take place upon Parvarti's other parent either happened yesterday or will happen today. I am doing my best to keep my stomach where it belongs and my glee under control. If the parent is smart, he will just say "OK" and let us move on. If the parent lets himself to be (again) controlled, this will be longer and more expensive than it needs to be. Yes, I will update you!

In the Spirit of Yule, I give you this picture.



Peace.

Faith or "How Christian Guilt got the Better of Me"

Faith.

Willow reminds me of this.

Old Guilt "tells" me I'm not allowed to have it. After all, I haven't had a decent ritual in months; I haven't been reading any Wicca books lately; my time spent outside has been minimal. I don't "deserve" Faith. (kind of like not going to church...)

But, I do.

Faith.

Today I will find out if I will have help attaining my life-long dream. (My second life-long dream of hanging out with a particular animal is put on hold until I win the lottery.) Back to point...

Faith is what I have this morning - what I will re-attach to my Soul. It will take a while, as I must do it piece-by-piece. The first piece was pocketed in my Soul today.

Thank you.

Peace

Looking a Gift Horse in the....

Things have been fairly lousy the last year or so. Yes, Freya is here - I think I need another name for her....But as for money, love, and general peace (piece?) of mind, it hasn't been working out so well.

This week, however, life is looking up. They are small steps (which I knew they would be) and there are no promises hidden in those prints. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I cannot become excited about the prospects.

With the Sun in Scorpio, I should be having a burst of power and energy; I have neither, in any facet of my life. I have a burst of hope, and a burst of activity, and finally a burst of Sun-shine. But...but...

BUT

My pessimism has gotten the better of me. Oh, sure, I can put on the happy face, act perky and spew out optimism and helpful hints. I'm pleasant, well-mannered, courteous, interested, and talkative. It is all for others - it is all an act. Could this be why I'm not sleeping well?

Sure, look a the bright side! See the glass as half-full! Look at the possibilities!

*blech* It frightens me to exhaustion - what if these things don't work out? What if someone decides they didn't make the right decision? How do I know what my instincts are telling me if I've been so apt to not listen lately?

Faith & Hope. Without those, we would perish.

I'm not quite ready to perish.

Peace

Explanations

In "their" words:

The energy intensifies as the Sun slips into passionate Scorpio and we face the approach of winter's long nights. The leaves fall to the ground and we think about our mortality, along with the mysteries of the death-rebirth cycle. We want to talk about these experiences beyond language as retrograde Mercury aligns with the Sun today. The Moon's entry into impetuous Aries shows our current lack of patience as we take this journey into the unknown.

In Ligeia's words:

Anxiety boils in my veins
the Sting of love and commitment
Dark, loneliness spreading ever faster
hidden and in the Open simultaneously
Translations lost
Unsure of which way to run
grasping fore the Sense of it
Abating the desperation
Praying for strength
Courage

Heresy

To some, that may be what this post is.

Yesterday I spent time with a woman whose husband is dying. This is the 3rd time I've met with her; because of my pseudo-job (more on that in another post). I've known about her husband's condition since the first time I met her, almost 3 weeks ago. Each time I've met with her, she has come close to tears - losing the love of her life after 50 years will do that to a person. She has a strong belief in the Christian God. She believes her God has given her this "task" of taking care of her dying husband for some greater reason.

She was crying yesterday. She was afraid of being alone, of not knowing what she was going to do when her husband finally passes and she has moved to live near her daughter. She feels old and unable to "start over". My advice to her was to think of it not as starting over but as moving on from that point. Starting over is so overwhelming for people who have had a lifetime of only one type of reality.

Although I do not share her belief of a Christian God, yesterday, I did believe that there is an Ultimate Supreme Being. I believe the Goddess and God are the USB, collectively. I've always had a hard time dividing the USB into more than one; but I've grown in my belief and know, in my Soul, that the USB shows Itself in the forms we need.

Peace

Help from Anonymous

I finally joined WitchVox. If you want to know more, ask and I will email you privately.

I posted the verse I posted here yesterday.

I got advice from an anonymous source. This source told me to listen to the west wind.

This morning, while driving to work, the Sky was a beautiful stormy blue. I remembered the wisdom shared. I slowed down, rolled down the window, and felt the oddly warm breeze on my face. Calmness overcame me. Rejuvenation, too.

I thank Horus for sending this help.

Peace

Emptiness

And the spinning in my head
shooting thoughts screaming to
remove themselves from prison
Sorrow deep and wounding
with despair creeping on
four legs to take over
no silence left to decide
how to accomplish the task of
life

Peering to the Eastern Moon
pleading for guidance
for help and control
Looking inward to the Self
asking for motivation and sincere
effort

Full Sunshine midst
the heavy Darkness
Rain beating furiously on my back
the Earth arid from the droplets
Screeching
Pounding
Searching for answers to be found
Nowhere

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Peace