The First Week of February
February was a difficult month for me for nearly 20 years. This month marks the birth of 3 people; one is my Grandfather, which this post is not about. The of the other 2, one is related; the last one is not, really.
With Imbolc on the 2nd, I thought I'd have another chance to drop more guilt and sadness that I associate with this month. But, I did not prepare for Imbolc and I did not prepare for the month.
Guilt and sadness are self-imposed.
I have never completely dealt with the truth of the situation.
I've talked about it, emailed with people, written about it, too.
The pain lessens, but I do not understand why I still feel the emptiness.
I'm busy with my Child, with school; I should not even notice the hole.
I sincerely hope those of you who celebrated Imbolc had a fine one.
Peace
2 comments:
I don't know that the feelings of guilt and sadness are always self imposed. I think the actions resulting from feelings may be, but you really can't help how you feel.
I do know that sometimes things are so horrible that part of you never recovers, even if you have moved on and are otherwise "Happy". You can talk until you are blue in the face, but it doesn't always repair the damage or make the scar tissue go away.
I know that there are things that I will always have some sort of feeling about during anniversaries, no matter how much time has passed.
I think that you have handled your life VERY well. VERY. You are one strong, strong woman.
Don't be too hard on yourself. It's ok to feel emptiness sometimes.
We're here for you.
Send me an email at any point if you need a shoulder or some advice.
The advice maybe useless, but I'm still happy to give it, just in case it helps. =)
In love and light,
Willow.
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