This is not a made-up story

My daughter has been kidnapped by her father.

This is not a joke.

I do not know if she will ever return.

Winter Solstice

From Mythica:

Cernunnos

"The Horned One" is a Celtic god of fertility, life, animals, wealth, and the underworld. He was worshipped all over Gaul, and his cult spread into Britain as well. Cernunnos is depicted with the antlers of a stag, sometimes carries a purse filled with coin. The Horned God is born at the winter solstice, marries the goddess at Beltane, and dies at the summer solstice. He alternates with the goddess of the moon in ruling over life and death, continuing the cycle of death, rebirth and reincarnation.

Paleolithic cave paintings found in France that depict a stag standing upright or a man dressed in stag costume seem to indicate that Cernunnos' origins date to those times. Romans sometimes portrayed him with three cranes flying above his head. Known to the Druids as Hu Gadarn. God of the underworld and astral planes. The consort of the great goddess. He was often depicted holding a bag of money, or accompanied by a ram-headed serpent and a stag. Most notably is the famous Gundestrup cauldron discovered in Denmark.

Blessed Yule!

School, Yule and being Cool

Made you smile, didn't I?!

So, school starts in January. I am having difficulty getting all the people who are paying for this to get their butts in gear! Frustrating waiting for someone to do something that they say "takes only a few minutes". But, I'm patient - more so now than ever!

Yule - festive, gift-giving, eat-too-much! I am hoping to decorate my Altar for this Yule. I have no Yule Log - my fault - so I need to do something! With Parvarti's help, the Tree is glowing with white lights this year.

The event that will take place upon Parvarti's other parent either happened yesterday or will happen today. I am doing my best to keep my stomach where it belongs and my glee under control. If the parent is smart, he will just say "OK" and let us move on. If the parent lets himself to be (again) controlled, this will be longer and more expensive than it needs to be. Yes, I will update you!

In the Spirit of Yule, I give you this picture.



Peace.

Cleanliness is next to...

As for trite sayings...

Setting: A non-work day in which all good Christians are begging forgiveness for sins they have not done. Our home; food cooking; MIL arrives 50 minutes early.
MIL: Oh, I hope Sonny didn't cook! He is so busy working all week!
Me: No, I cooked. *jokingly* Afterall, I just sit around all week and eat bonbons...
MIL: Sonny should be sitting and resting. He could easily get the dia-beat-us again!
Sonny: Ligeia offered to cook.
MIL: Oh, do you want me to clean the kitchen floor for you? They say 'Cleanliness is next to Godliness'.
Me: Then everyone who lives in this house is going to Hell.

Peace.


p.s. Lunacy is next to Paranoia - just because I can't remember the facts about one of my ex-family member's mental states, I'm (again) the Devil-Incarnate. Gave me a good laugh!

News

For all of those following the saga - which I haven't posted about in FOREVER...

The papers regarding child's living arrangements will be served upon the ex by this time next week.

How do we feel about this?

Peace

Funny!

Be put in a cauldron of lead and usurer's grease, amongst a whole million of cutpurses, and there boil like a gammon of bacon that will never be enough.
-Taken from: The Two Noble Kinsmen

Informal poll

How would you feel if I told you I was going to return to school in January?
Oh, and have my new degree in less than 2 years?
Oh, and finally realize one of my lifelong dreams?

Peace

How do you know to believe someone?

Over the last 6 years, I've taught myself how to accept and be more tolerant of people. I am in no way perfect; I tolerate most people, but do not care for people who are self-righteous or who believe their beliefs are the only correct ones. I have also learned forgiveness - of myself and others. There are people who truly do make an effort to change how they deal with the world, their lives, and others around them. Some are successful; some are not. Success only counts if they want me to be part of their lives.

There is someone in my life - via Parvarti - who continues to insist "she" has changed and made an effort. That I am the one who is "holding up the progress" because I will not accept an apology or believe her. Unless the Goddess Herself comes to me and tells me to trust this person, I never will. I do not believe she has changed, nor that her "apology" was sincere. I believe her constant pronouncements to the world that she is a changed person and that she is a caring and loving person are proof that (a) she is not sincere and (b) it is all self-serving.

Cynical am I? Yes. It has taken me more than 10 years to even give my own father the benefit of the doubt that he has "changed" for the better. One cannot hurt another so severely to expect immediate forgiveness. At least, not from me.

I've vented. I can continue my day. Thank you for reading.

Peace

Interesting

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
- Henry Adams

Double Bubble Toil & Trouble

OK, that isn't exact; it is what I used to say as a kid.

I hope everyone's Samhain was blessed and fruitful. I've decided not to write about mine. It was very personal this year. In today's entry, I'd like to write about other things going on in my (our) life.

To start with, Freya (daughter) has been renamed Parvati - the Indian Goddess of Perserverance.
Husband is now Rhian - I could not find a God of Endurance, so, I shortened the female form, Rhiannon.
I am still Ligeia.

Early this year, Parvati "got into trouble". Her dues paying is long, drawn out, and necessary. In a matter of months, her dues will be paid in full and she can place this "episode" and all she has learned into her Book of Life.

When Parvati moved here, Rhian and I were overjoyed - we still are. We had our "honeymoon" phase with her, which turned to the reality phase; now, we are in the everyday phase - a good place to be. Parvati has showed marked improvement in thinking, acting, responsibility and daily relaxing.

The relationship between Rhian and I is still at a standstill. To some, this would seem fine; to me, it is not. I grow and change everyday - we all do. I refuse to be stagnant in all parts of my life. Rhian finds stagnation wonderful. It is passed stability - which is nice and necessary! I realized over a year ago Rhian is depressed. He refuses to change anything about how he lives (or doesn't live) his life. I cannot be this way. My solution - because I do love and care for him - is to work with and around this, while still being my own person. I had problems with this for a while; putting more Faith in my life everyday is helping tremendously! Our relationship is not adversely affecting Parvati - this is important!

I am again working part-time. The last "permanent" job is now a "contract" (easiest way to explain) with little prospect of continuing past January. This is fine with me. The part-time gig is something I've done before and know I can do. It is not my dream job and the pay is minimal; but, it is something and fills the gaps until something more profitable comes along.

In January, when one aspect ends, another will re-begin. I will return to University. I am thrilled beyond belief! It will, again, be part-time; but it gets me closer to my goal! I have the same adviser (Thank you) and it is the same campus, but none of the people I knew 2 years ago will be there. This will make for interesting alliances!

Spiritual stuff next time.

Peace

Faith or "How Christian Guilt got the Better of Me"

Faith.

Willow reminds me of this.

Old Guilt "tells" me I'm not allowed to have it. After all, I haven't had a decent ritual in months; I haven't been reading any Wicca books lately; my time spent outside has been minimal. I don't "deserve" Faith. (kind of like not going to church...)

But, I do.

Faith.

Today I will find out if I will have help attaining my life-long dream. (My second life-long dream of hanging out with a particular animal is put on hold until I win the lottery.) Back to point...

Faith is what I have this morning - what I will re-attach to my Soul. It will take a while, as I must do it piece-by-piece. The first piece was pocketed in my Soul today.

Thank you.

Peace

Looking a Gift Horse in the....

Things have been fairly lousy the last year or so. Yes, Freya is here - I think I need another name for her....But as for money, love, and general peace (piece?) of mind, it hasn't been working out so well.

This week, however, life is looking up. They are small steps (which I knew they would be) and there are no promises hidden in those prints. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I cannot become excited about the prospects.

With the Sun in Scorpio, I should be having a burst of power and energy; I have neither, in any facet of my life. I have a burst of hope, and a burst of activity, and finally a burst of Sun-shine. But...but...

BUT

My pessimism has gotten the better of me. Oh, sure, I can put on the happy face, act perky and spew out optimism and helpful hints. I'm pleasant, well-mannered, courteous, interested, and talkative. It is all for others - it is all an act. Could this be why I'm not sleeping well?

Sure, look a the bright side! See the glass as half-full! Look at the possibilities!

*blech* It frightens me to exhaustion - what if these things don't work out? What if someone decides they didn't make the right decision? How do I know what my instincts are telling me if I've been so apt to not listen lately?

Faith & Hope. Without those, we would perish.

I'm not quite ready to perish.

Peace

Explanations

In "their" words:

The energy intensifies as the Sun slips into passionate Scorpio and we face the approach of winter's long nights. The leaves fall to the ground and we think about our mortality, along with the mysteries of the death-rebirth cycle. We want to talk about these experiences beyond language as retrograde Mercury aligns with the Sun today. The Moon's entry into impetuous Aries shows our current lack of patience as we take this journey into the unknown.

In Ligeia's words:

Anxiety boils in my veins
the Sting of love and commitment
Dark, loneliness spreading ever faster
hidden and in the Open simultaneously
Translations lost
Unsure of which way to run
grasping fore the Sense of it
Abating the desperation
Praying for strength
Courage

Sinking Feelings

I'm not getting lost in the bottomless pit again.
Not the emotional one.
I have too much to live for -
Freya.

A Song in my...

I'm not sure if it is in my head, my heart...or maybe it is just indigestion?

For the last several days - about 6 - I have felt the Julie Andrews urge (you know, run through a field and sing) - problem is, I can't hear the tune and I don't know if it has words - I can only feel it. Literally.

There are many questions I have:

• Are there words?
• Why can't I hear the music? Am I not suppose to?
• How do I express it?
• Should I have butter or cream cheese on my bagel?

Any words of wisdom would be SO MUCH appreciated!

Peace

Heresy

To some, that may be what this post is.

Yesterday I spent time with a woman whose husband is dying. This is the 3rd time I've met with her; because of my pseudo-job (more on that in another post). I've known about her husband's condition since the first time I met her, almost 3 weeks ago. Each time I've met with her, she has come close to tears - losing the love of her life after 50 years will do that to a person. She has a strong belief in the Christian God. She believes her God has given her this "task" of taking care of her dying husband for some greater reason.

She was crying yesterday. She was afraid of being alone, of not knowing what she was going to do when her husband finally passes and she has moved to live near her daughter. She feels old and unable to "start over". My advice to her was to think of it not as starting over but as moving on from that point. Starting over is so overwhelming for people who have had a lifetime of only one type of reality.

Although I do not share her belief of a Christian God, yesterday, I did believe that there is an Ultimate Supreme Being. I believe the Goddess and God are the USB, collectively. I've always had a hard time dividing the USB into more than one; but I've grown in my belief and know, in my Soul, that the USB shows Itself in the forms we need.

Peace

Help from Anonymous

I finally joined WitchVox. If you want to know more, ask and I will email you privately.

I posted the verse I posted here yesterday.

I got advice from an anonymous source. This source told me to listen to the west wind.

This morning, while driving to work, the Sky was a beautiful stormy blue. I remembered the wisdom shared. I slowed down, rolled down the window, and felt the oddly warm breeze on my face. Calmness overcame me. Rejuvenation, too.

I thank Horus for sending this help.

Peace

Emptiness

And the spinning in my head
shooting thoughts screaming to
remove themselves from prison
Sorrow deep and wounding
with despair creeping on
four legs to take over
no silence left to decide
how to accomplish the task of
life

Peering to the Eastern Moon
pleading for guidance
for help and control
Looking inward to the Self
asking for motivation and sincere
effort

Full Sunshine midst
the heavy Darkness
Rain beating furiously on my back
the Earth arid from the droplets
Screeching
Pounding
Searching for answers to be found
Nowhere

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Peace

Mabon

As with most of my celebrations this year, Mabon was quiet and unassuming. Sundays are usually not days Freya and I look forward to. This is a sad state, and it is my duty to change this pallor day. Moving on...

Freya and I took a walk in the morning and took many photos of our land. The Autumn colors are beautiful and vibrant, reminding us that, even though soon these colors will fall and ice-white Winter will arrive, we still have life left in us.

I spent time in the evening meditating and asking myself to have faith in myself. I thanked the Goddess for moving us along and keeping her nurturing glow around us. I wished the God a grand send off, but told him he must leave part of himself behind to keep me motivated! I'm so selfish.

Peace

How to Play Nice

Felt I needed to share this today. Yes, I know, it is Mabon. You will get more on my celebration tomorrow.

From About.com: (paraphrasing)

• If you are upset with someone, remember, you could be found out and then need to explain.
• Don't reprint lots of other blog entries without permission.
• Respond to comments.

Peace

Time...

I was making time - well, I'm not that powerful (snicker). Seriously, I had time. Now, it is gone again. Why? Work. I don't mind the money - the electric bill needs paid - but I mind the loss of "me" time. Which, includes, this blog (and my other blog that I can't mention here :)

One thing I will find time to do is put links on this page to those blogs that I visit. If you find yourself on the list, and you don't want to be there, let me know. If you don't find yourself on the list and you want to be there, let me know that too!

Oh, give me a day or two to get the list up, please.

And, thanks to everyone who has commented. You deserve "real" replies - that may take a day or two, too.

Peace

New Moon

I am praying the Goddess will see fit to allow this New Moon to lead me in the direction of more calmness, prosperity in the monetary and relationship sense. I am also hoping to find a way to close the door on a "friendship" that just didn't work out, and the moving on of my best friend.

Peace

Why I should stop...but don't

You'd think Themas would have finished doin' her thing by now, but, nope! We are still in a bit of a life 'n death struggle with the pantomime Princess Margaret...er, sorry, got a bit Python there.

We are still in a struggle for the well-being of Freya.

I read the ex's wife's blog about once a week. I can't handle every day; and the entries I do read, most make me want to throw up.

I should really stop reading. The reason I don't is that all the nonsense builds my case. Sad, actually.

I have to remember to do some deep breathing and ask for some courage before I willy-nilly logon to her blog. If not, things that make me so f***ing mad get my stomach churning and, thus, put my mind in a foul state.

I suppose it is a good thing that Freya's father has someone he can devote himself to and do things for that he would not devote himself to or do things for me. In other words, all those things I found important and he found unnecessary are suddenly right and necessary with her. And, yes, she knows this and, yes, she does flaunt it - "he wouldn't dare do this for the bio-mom...because she was undeserving". Yes, that is written in the history.

OK, enough, right?

Peace

HA!

You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!
-Taken from: Henry IV, part I

Have to get it out

I had decided a while back to not write about my struggles with my Daughter (Freya) and the female that married Freya's father. Lately, however, it has been building and I've just got to get it out.

If you do not want to read rantings, leave now.

After a long struggle, Freya is finally here. We only have a few pieces of paper and a few months to go before it is permanent. While she is here I have not disallowed her contact with her father and his female. However, I am going to change my mind.

Freya receives packages and emails from the female quite often. Phone calls are few and far between - and Freya's father seems to have forgotten how to communicate with her.

I had promised myself I would not turn this into a "you wouldn't let me, so I'm not going to let you" thing, but, it may come to that. I'll just have to find a way to explain it to Freya without actually saying "why should I let that female do and give to you what I was chastised in doing?"

Of course, I will have to tell you why...I must. It is eating me inside and I have no other way to let it out.

Phone calls consisting of "things aren't the same without you" , "we don't know how to have a normal day without you" , "I'm not going to have a party because you aren't here". Now, had I said those things (and, yes, I have said the first statement) I would be chastised and not allowed to speak to Freya. I lie not.

Another part of this is emails. "We - no I - miss you more than anyone" , "why can't we IM - you don't have to let her know we are talking" , "I'm so sad without you here - even your dad can't make me happy." Psycho Psyicko

Now, the blog: *note: just in case, i've changed some words, but not the meaning*

i could work to make things better for her. giving her what makes people feel safe and secure like boundaries, guidelines, consistency, love, nurture, doing what you say you are going to do.

Odd, I had done that for 6 years while Freya's father said "let her eat paste" Oh, I forgot, I'm the evil bio-mom.

And more:

i was a mother to her without stepping on her birth mother

Yep, I'm just the case that carried her for 9 months, put up with her father's "I need to be me" $hit and gave Freya all her building blocks (mentally) for 6 years.

I'm having a talk with my lawyer, my therapist, and my Goddess on how to handle this. I cannot have Freya subjected to this guilt or "adult talk". She is young and should be concerned with young things.

Thank you.

Peace

Sometimes, ya just gotta laugh

I will admit to taking pleasure at other peoples' stupidity, sometimes. No, I'm not a hypocrite - there is still tolerance involved. I take pleasure because I can see myself - and even people I admire - as doing something similar. As well, should I do something stupid and people take pleasure, well, I'm glad I could help.

On with the show...

I read this today:

"I have never have been worried about the IRS," he said. "They don't scare me. I don't give a rip about the IRS. I don't believe in the separation of church and state and I believe the IRS should stay out of church business."

It is from this article.

I don't think anyone from any part of life should call for the demise of anyone just because their Supreme Being told them to wish it - this goes for Pagans, too! Although, I would not mind the demise of the IRS organization, but that is another story.

What interested me most was his contradiction of himself - if he doesn't believe in the separation of church and state (government), then how can he demand a government agency stay out of his church (business)?

Well, maybe it is just me?

I think I will start that POOF Church - Proud Of Our Faith. Any joiners?

Peace

Hands are tied

Due to my new "career", I have to walk a fine line when it comes to my need for voicing my opinion.

As I drove home yesterday from a business call West of our town, I saw a 3-story-high "marker". It was a model of the 10 Commandments - 2 "tablets" resembling the ones Moses may have brought to his people. One had the Roman numerals 1 - 4 and the other 5 - 10.

I am a big believer in free speech, especially when it comes to voicing faith and beliefs. But, I wondered, why couldn't there be a Star of David, Pentacle, and other religious symbols next to it - of course, the same large size for each.

But, as I finished my drive home, I realized that the only true tolerance is for the Christian faith (although, the Ten Commandments were actually given to the Jews...) to display their symbols and beliefs.

I am determined, however, that for Samhain through Yule and the New Year, I will have a Pentacle of lights glowing in my yard.

Peace

Does this just mean "Shut Up"?

You have a lot to say about everything today and people will listen to you because your words smoothly slip off your tongue with the greatest of ease. If others assume you are speaking the whole truth, however, you could find yourself in trouble. Don't stretch poetic license too far in your favor, for it may not feel so great when it snaps back to reality.

Peace

Things are looking up - but the Pigeons are still flying

I'm thinking the Lammas, being harvest, could have been me harvesting all due me. But, then I think, I've been so thought-ful and attentive to myself and others, why would I be harvesting dramas?

My work is still angst ridden - too much secrecy and ass-hole-ness on the part of my "boss" which is wearing on more than just me at the office.

However, I am doing my job and very well, at that. And, although I have not been paid all due to me, I am getting paid most.

I am slowly working on a new template. I apologize for the flat, dry, no-life image.

One final note:

Thou craven dizzy-eyed clack-dish!

How Psychic Are You?

It is mornings like today's that I wonder how to fine tune my premonitions.

Sadness, fear, tragic loss were on my mind all day Wednesday.
Lammas should not bring such feelings.
Abundance and celebration were lost to tears and anxiety.

May the travel down the River Styx be comforting and calm to the Lost Souls.

Peace.

Today's Post

Spiritually, things are flat. With Lammas tomorrow, I'm hoping to rekindle some spark - even if the Moon is on the turn.

Work-wise, I'm having boss problems. You'd think I'd have found a way to not have this occur. Meditation helps.

Daughter-wise all is well!

What do you think of the template? I'm thinking it is much too pink.

I'm...

1. I'm working on finding a new template.
2. I'm hoping to catch up on my reading this weekend.
3. I'm learning new words because of this : " Thou ruttish fen-sucked dewberry!"

Ruttish - Lustful; libidinous

Fen (sucked) - Low land overflowed, or covered wholly or partially with water, but producing sedge, coarse grasses, or other aquatic plants; boggy land; moor; marsh (marsh-sucking)

Dewberry - a group of species closely related to the blackberries. They are small brambles with berries reminiscent of the raspberry, but are usually purple to black instead of red.

3. Translated: You lustful marsh-sucking berry!

what do you think of this template?

I found it at http://www.finalsense.com/index.htm

Insult to Injury

Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you filthy bung, away!
-Taken from: Henry IV, part 2

I think that because I've neglected my blog for so long, the template has decided to abandon me!

Well, off to find another template...and not calendar myself for more blog posts!

I suppose

I suppose that if I'm not commenting on other's blogs they won't comment on mine.

I am reading blogs - lots.

Peace

Holiday Question

"The simplest answer is usually the correct one."

I think it has to do with who is asking the question and of whom.

Why does 99% of the US of A shut down on December 25 - an arbitrary day picked to celebrate the birth of a man; but on the day brave, forward-thinking men decided we should be a country unto ourselves - and fight to the death to have a free place for all - only banks and government offices are closed?

I still say that, if the right-wing fundamentalists that somehow get into office would just allow us to have Pagan holidays off instead of Christian ones, we'd have a helluvalot more vacation!

Peace

What to Inform you of

I've been home, away, home, far away, home, close-away, home.

Horus has seen me and my loved ones safely through the adventures.

Psyche has allowed me to remember few dreams. Until 2 nights ago. Reliving an event in an alternate reality - odd and confusing.

I'm hoping to write more often. No promises.

I have, oddly, had time to read other blogs.

Peace

How's your faith these days, Father?

Stigmata

I got a sign this morning. I'm just not sure what it means.

I have chosen many Totems. My insecurities give me license to do this.

One of my selected Totems showed up in one of our trees this morning. This is unusual as our land is not accommodating to the creature. She could have been passing through, but, she stayed for quite a while. Seeing her made my heart lighten and my spirit lift.

Now, why was she here?

Interesting Thought

I suppose I have to consider Paganism/Wicca as religion. However, considering the bad rap the word "religion" has in society, I prefer to think of it as a way of life.

Comments?

This is what got me thinking:

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
- Steven Weinberg

I do believe that, even in the way of life I have chosen, there are those who will make a mess of things "in the name of" Paganism/Wicca. Yet another example of, as different as we (Pagans - Christians) are, we are the same.

Peace.

A Little Risque' Humour

Draw thy tool. My naked weapon is out.

teehee

Peace

Past Lives

This is a request for help.

I've been thinking about Past Lives - if I had one (which, I believe I did) how do I figure out where and when I was? (sorry for the bad English)

I've tried Divination with Tarot, but, to no avail. I've asked for answers in Dreams; that didn't work. I have a book, but it is a 10-week study with everyday exercises - I'm committed, but, that's just way too much.

I'm not looking for a quick fix. I'm willing to spend the time and Energy. I need to find something that works.

Any guidance would be appreciated.

Peace

Where I be

More classes for new job

Just got internet access.

Merlot has taken over my brain. Must sleep.

Peace

More New Beginnings

Last night was surprisingly wonderful. After a full-day of no relief from migraine, I thought any type of Blue Moon celebration was out. But, Psyche and Horus would not hear of that!

Daughter - who will now be known as Freya - wanted to see my Tarot cards. Mind you, these have not seen the light of the Moon in many months. I performed a simple reading - unfortunately, I didn't explain very well what type of question she needed to be asking the Cards, and the answer I got was screwy, and so was her question! We tried again; this time, a longer read.

Not having any idea what she might be thinking, I used a basic Celtic spread. Each card in each position made total sense to her. A few times she gave me the, "Well, DUH!" answer, which was eerily funny. However, the best times were those when Freya gave me the saucer eyes of, "How the heck did They know that?!"

The gist of the reading was right on; Freya knows that what she wants to do and needs to do are nearly the same and just not that difficult.

With full egotism, I will state ... I still got it!

Peace

Wanted: New Head

No post yesterday - No post today

Migraine

Bleh.

Rejoice to the Heavens!

Thanks be to the Goddess and God - and anyone else out there.

Today my Daughter arrives.

Love and excitement exude.

Yet another moment when the English language fails to find the words to describe my Joy!

Peace

Making sense of Dreams

I've had a lot of dreams lately - A LOT. They are short dreams, and, I wake after each one. I'm not remembering them, which is driving me bonkers (well, OK, it is making me more bonkers than usual :)

I finally remembered a dream, the one from last night. I'm not going to share it, as it would mean absolutely nothing to you. I will share, though, highlights from a dream I had a few weeks ago when it was made semi-official that my Daughter would be moving in.

I asked Daughter if she wanted a particular food. She laughingly said, "Oh Mom, you don't know me very well, do you?" Then Patrick (my spouse) and my ex were laughing and having a good time and said, "You don't know her very well, do you?" Finally, Patrick and my ex's wife were talking and laughing and Patrick said, "I think they know her better than you." I ran out of the room, into Daughter's room and it was full of baby clothes. I woke screaming.

The next morning, I got it. I was/am afraid - afraid of being a bad Mom. I thanked the Goddess for boosting my courage to confront this. I also thanked her for the strength I found in myself to say, "Eh, I will be a good Mom."

Now, with only a few days left, I'm asking the God to keep reminding me why I need to get my house in shape for her arrival!

Peace.

Days of Birth

Cake Courtesy of Here

At the risk of revealing my true identity (I feel like Batman :), I would like to announce that the anniversary of my birth occurs at the end of this week.

When I was a child, I was always thrilled when the Date would fall on the Friday before (US) Memorial Day - I was convinced this was a 3-Day Week-end just for me. Of course, as I got older, I still wanted that 3-Day Week-end, but, was disappointed that it wasn't just for me. Selfish? Of course!

I went through many years of not wanting to celebrate my birthday.

I love presents - at any time - and cake - who doesn't?! Looking back, I realize it was the person I was with that attributed to this - he would either forget the Date or decide to celebrate at a different time because he was busy. But, the biggest factor was that I did not feel worthy - of living another year.

Finding my Center, trusting myself, asking for help - from people, animals - and learning about the Goddess and God - trusting them - gave me the strength to continue and to look forward to the Date.

I will admit, I am disappointed when cards do not include money, when I hear, "Oh, was it? Gee", or "No one makes that cake anymore", and especially when there are no gifts under the Birthday tree. Selfish? Yep, still am.

This year, I got early Gifts, a card with a bookmark, and the Right Cake! The best gift this year, will be my Daughter moving into our home. This happens in less than a week. The excitement is mounting on our side. Having my Daughter as a late Anniversary of Birth present is the only present I will ever need.

Peace.

p.s. You can be sure, next year, I will want the cards, gifts, cake and money :)

How excited can one circle get?

Very, if it comes to all of those in my circle.

I've managed to excite 3 blog friends, one long-time friend, one friend I made through my Brother, Bridgette, couple of college friends, my Spouse (who is now named Patrick), my Parents, and, gee, there two more people....oh, yes...Me & My Daughter.

Why you should ask? On the twenty-ninth day of this glorious month of May, my Daughter will be moving in with Patrick and I.

Yes, you read that correctly - MOVING IN. And, not for a short time, either. Until she graduates from high school - she can stay longer, if she likes.

The joy is just flowing through and around all of us.

This will mean a lot of interesting blogging, I'm sure.

Peace

Finding things

Some things to share

This is fun

This is informative

This is not politically correct but I want one!

Stuff to buy

Peace

Wheel of Life

When I first started learning and practicing my Religion, I would hang on every "read" of my Tarot or Bibliomancy. Now, I realize these are just tools to help me make decisions.

There was a time in my recent history when I relied on yearly predictions - not what would happen during the current year, but in what year something would happen. I learned faster than was comfortable for me that, depending on the daily decisions I make, the particulars of a coming year would change. However, the general "outline" of the year would be right on.

So, where am I going with all this? If you are still reading, you will find out :-)

In 2000, I read that my life would have difficult change, I would be separated from someone I loved and it would not be until 2002 that I'd start to "re-settle". That year, I was separated from my Daughter, I escaped an abusive situation, and my life was jumbled.

In 2002, I read that I would not be with the person most important to me - in fact, our relationship would be tested - I would learn more self-sufficiency, have a dramatic change in careers, and, in 2007-8, settle into my "true world".

Whoa! I have to wait 5 more years?! What in the Psyche is going on?!

I re-read my Cards, specifically when it came to my Daughter. Yep, struggle, patience, money, time. *sigh*

In 2002, my (step) Dad had a heart attack and stroke - I learned how to be calm in such a situation, as well as how to haul and stack wood and throw it into a wood-burner. I could not find a full-time job, and began something off-the-wall (cannot explain as I may expose myself). and, in early 2003, I was served with papers - my ex wanting full custody of my Daughter.

In 2004, I had yet another odd career change (similar to the one I'm going through now). The Tarot and Books did not change much. However, the 12th year in cycle (Chinese Year of the Pig) will be successful in relationships, love, career and money. Well, hoo-rah!

Here I am in 2007 - Year of the Pig - 12th year in their cycle - my career has changed and is so far successful, the relationship with my spouse is changing (for the better), and my Daughter will be where she belongs (finally!) this year.

I'm not sure there is a point to all this. I had the need to share.

Peace

Merriment Coming Soon

This last week has been full of surprises. Most good. Especially this one.

Now, don't break out the bubbly just yet BUT

Remember this post? Well, thanks be to Themis and Demeter, resolution is nearly complete.

I have it IN WRITING from my Child's father that, yes, Child will be here for her next school year AND for this coming full summer. Yep, I have "permission" to bring Child here the day after her last day of school for this year.

I can guarantee that, the day Child arrives, you will hear the most glorious music from the Heavens and Earth, Animals and Persephone, and Us.

Yes, I will keep you posted.

Peace & Joy!

It ain't me - It's everybody else!

I used to make fun of Christians who gave their problems to their God. Then, I realized that, for the intelligent people, this was just a way of allowing things/issues to take care of themselves. Yesterday's issue has been resolved, well, almost.

It seems that spouse (I have to find a pseudonym) was concerned because his mother received a call from someone looking for his 2nd-son (her grandson). What is odd is that neither one of them has heard from, seen, or talked to 2nd-son for over 15 years. Spouse asked me to contact 1st-son to see if he knew what may be happening. 1st-son said he had no clue. If he found out anything, he would let us know.

Spouse is concerned because his mother is now upset (oh, this is a story in itself) and, even though he has no contact with 2nd-son, he is still spouse's son. We don't stop caring about our kids just because we haven't seen them for a while. It is one of the reasons I married him.

I suggested to spouse that he 'give' his problem to his God. He gave me the "pbth" so I gave it to my Goddess. Spiritual help via proxy!

Peace

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia

Something is not right with my spouse. I'm not sure what it is, though.
I usually do not worry about such things but, this morning, my spouse was unusually distant - as if spouse perceived I had done something "wrong".
I'm writing this here just to get it out.
Yes, I must go speak with my Goddess and God to help me work through this. I know they cannot fully resolve it, but they can give me a way to express what I feel and help in dealing with it.

Peace

Witty Quips

...I don't have one for today.

After a long weekend and re-bearing myself yesterday, I awoke today to a gorgeous Sunrise, Phoebe singing, new green Buds, and lanky Deer.

I thank Rah, Ryha, and Artemis for the Beauty they have given us!

Peace

Don't forget me while I'm gone

Because of new job, I have to go out of town for some training.
While I'm away, enjoy these inspirational thoughts.

You might be a Red-Neck Pagan

If you call the Quarters by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob"....

If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back....

If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all, watch me!"....

If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed-wacker....

If you've ever blessed chewing tobacco ....


Lightbulb Jokes

How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?

It's a third degree secret.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How many Pagans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that lightbulbs never burned out before those damned Christians came along.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How many Discordians does it take to change a lightbulb?"

Blue fish Tuesday


Peace

FOWL!

Remember this post?

I did my very best not to count chickens before their hatching. I was just trusting that cooler heads would prevail.

They have, but, not.

So, how to relay this without giving too many details? I'll give it a go.

To make the transition of Child's arrival and entry into education easy, I made some phone calls and got my ducks in a row. Legal council stated yes, this was all good and, yes, we should do this as easy and simple as possible.

The other party's spouse would not have it that way.

I made a simple phone call to a person who thinks in black and white and was met with negativity. Adding to that were the rantings and berating by the spouse. Not only does this person not trust me, but they are convinced that I always lie. I would love to contact this person and state that I have proof the Earth is round, we are stuck here by Gravity, and the Sky is (generally) blue. But, of course, I'd be lying.

Today - with brain dripping out of my ears and eyes, due to migraine evil - I spoke with 2 of the 3 independent parties involved. Both agreed that what I did was correct and necessary; that what ex and their spouse did was definitely not smart - as a matter of fact (to quote) "not called for and not in the best interest of..." the Child. Relayed all the conversations to legal council. Legal council agreed and, even though not an independent party, agreed the situation was beyond cuckoo.

So, where does that leave us?

• With independent people still in agreement - Child is better here, with Us than there, with those turkeys.
• With legal council at the ready to do necessary paperwork.
• The other side scratching their heads because, after all, who could not like the ex's spouse - the person is so forgiving, and loving, and trusting.
• Child still caught in the middle of all this chicken scratch.

I'm just thankful that Child does not know (at least, I'm not telling her) what the adults are doing - whether good or bad.

Thanks for reading!

Peace

Blessed Beltane

One of my favorite blogs has posted some information about today's glorious Sabbat, too. I'm just adding to the mix. (btw, has anyone ever commented on how Sabbat is close to Sabbath....)

One of the best-known Celtic traditions for Beltane is the lighting of the Beltane fires. These huge fires were set to welcome back the sun for the light (summer) half of the year. All the hearth fires were extinguished on May Eve, and then they were relit the next day from the Beltane fires.

The fires were started with nine sacred woods, each with various magickal properties. People would gather and dance around the fires through the night, jumping over the flames to ensure a successful and prosperous summer.

• Birch - The Goddess, or female energy
• Oak - The God, or male energy
• Hazel - Knowledge and wisdom
• Rowan (Mountain Ash) - Life
• Hawthorne - Purity and fairy magick
• Willow - Death, sacred to Hecate
• Fir - Birth and rebirth
• Apple - Love and family
• Vine - Joy and happiness

Among the various symbols of Beltane, the Maypole is probably the most well known, even to non-Pagans.

On the surface, the tall Maypole is simply a phallic symbol to reflect the fertility of the season. But it originates with the ancient Irish story of the Bile Pole. The Bile Pole was a sacred tree of life that grew up through the Earth to join the Heavens above and the Otherworld beneath. A similar story to the the Norse tree, Yggdrasil.

One does not simply put up a Maypole at Beltane, the pole must be draped with ribbons and flowers, and it must be danced around. In the past, it was the young children who did the dancing. Long ribbons are attached to the top of the pole, usually in pastel Spring colours. Half the ribbons would be taken up by the boys, and the other half by the girls.

Note: They stopped the May Day celebration in our town - held by Christian Scandinavians. Why? Some "better" Christians thought it was too pornographic - scantily clad young girls dancing around a phallic symbol.

Oh, my....

Peace

...And all others of senseless violence

Peace

That field hath eyen, and the wood hath ears.

My lovely Daughter knows this all too well. She communes with Nature, always has. Yet, she does not feel it this way. She knows she can tame a stray kitten; she also knows she could tame a stealthy Snow Leopard.

Soon, if Demeter and Themis have their way, my wonderful Child will be here, where she belongs, and she can begin to reconnect with her Goddess and The Wood.

What has brought this wonderful possibility? Here are the high (and low) lights:

• Child, in plea for attention, acted out in a way which involved authorities.
• Child and all adults in her life (some fit the term loosely) were convened by an independent party.
• Wife of Child's father was chastised - more than once and on record - for the way in which 'she' interacts, deals with, and generally controls Child's life.
• Child's father agreed with my rendition of events and beliefs in raising Child than he did with his own wife.
• Child's father agreed that it is (finnally!) time to allow Child to live with me.
• Independent party will do their best to make certain Child moves here before next school year begins.

Please, thank your selected Supreme Being - God - Goddess - Life Force for helping me/us in this endeavor.

And, of course, I thank each and every one of you for all your love, support, prayers, blessings, gifted energy for helping me through this and having a successful outcome.

Once more is certain, I will post about it.

Peace

Children are born as individuals. If we fail to see that, if we see them as clay to be molded in any shape we like...

"...the tougher ones will fight back and end up spiteful and wild, while the less strong will lose that uniqueness they were born with"
Melvin Konner (20th century), U.S. professor of anthropology and psychiatry. As quoted in Childhood, a viewer’s guide produced in collaboration with Thirteen WNET (1991).

Yes, something wonderful is happening. More later....

O, how this spring of love resembleth The uncertain glory of an April day - S.

Have you seen this? Amazing.

I understand that different cultures have different rules and different ideas about indecency. Damn, in this country in the 70's, it was "obscene" for school age girls who had reached puberty to wear shirts that showed off their mid-driffs (well, it was in most of the country, except California).

What do I find Amazing then?

• That (paraphrasing) cases like this are filed by people who seek publicity, thus bogging down the "country's judicial system".
• That the woman was chastised by the judge for not resisting Gere, even though she knew it was a friendly gesture.
• The people filing the claim ignore what Gere has done/is doing/wants to do for India.

Of course I realize that India is ruled more by religion beliefs - their government is generally faith based.

Just another reason I like Paganism - we want everyone to live happily and only bind one another from harming - "Make Love, Not War"

Peace

And in the maddness of fools, I walk silently

I'm so very happy the weather has "broken".
The buds of the trees and shrubs, the love songs of birds, the return of green to the ground carpet.
I'm ready to sit in the energy spaces of my yard and absorb the newness of the dawn.

Peace

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes - D. Bowie

Did you know that David Bowie's real name is David Jones? He decided to change it to Bowie so as to not be confused with famous Monkee, Davy Jones.

Moving over to the New Blogger has been an exercise in stupidity; not mine, the one of Blogger.

Why can I not have a picture as my background? HellifIknow!
Why can I not use a CSS and must now use XML RSS? See above.

Luckily, I happened across this lovely template while scampering the net.

Thank you, Alex, for noticing and commenting.

Peace

Finding Inspiration Hiding in the Open

I am so glad I found this blog. I will admit to reading it lots, but not commenting much. When I read this post, I was inspired and another proverbial light bulb went off. (btw, if anyone can think of a Pagan/Wiccan similar saying to "light bulb going off", I'd love to know it.)

Back to point...

I, too, have been broken many times. Each time, I lose a part of my "old" self and, usually, it is replaced with a new piece. The new isn't always bright and shiny and pretty, but I am again, whole. There are instances when the new piece doesn't fit in the exact spot the old left; this leaves holes, spaces, crevices in need of filling. The filling comes eventually; unfortunately, it is not always with what most people would consider good or perfect stuff. The breaking, replacing, reforming makes me a better person, on the whole.

I know I will never be the same person as I was when I was born, at 12, or any other age - for that matter, a nano-second before just now. When I break and must find the right glue to put me back together, sometimes the pieces get switched, or put in storage for repair, or tossed away. I never want to be the same after a gluing as I was before the break. I would learn nothing, I would not grow, I would not like me, either.

The Goddess and God give me the tools to put myself back together - Themselves, family, friends, animals, chocolate & tea.

I realize that they, too, allow me to fall apart - just as Earth cycles - to make room for growth.

Mostly I realize, it is up to me - with the Free Will blessed to me - to not let myself fall so deep in the whole that I cannot find my way out to find the necessary glue.

Peace

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? - K. Gibran

Peace

I am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same things that lunatics imagine when awake. ~Rene Descartes

Writing my dreams has been interesting. I'm not sure how helpful, but interesting.

I've asked to dream about more things Spiritual or that will bring me closer to my true Soul. If the dreams of this week are the answer, I'm not sure I want to know myself further.

My most recent dream had me facing 2 fears - my fear of public restrooms and my fear of being alone.

The one about restrooms stems from school days. Starting in 6th grade, each time I'd go to the restroom, I'd get beat up or taunted by the "burn-out" girls. So, I stopped going, unless it was an emergency. I'd wait all day until I got home, which caused a few problems in those 6-years. I've dealt with the fear - so I thought.

The one about being alone has to do with many things: my search for a place to 'belong'; lack of positive attention from my father; moving so much before I was 10; not feeling loved; being easy prey for boys/men.
What I didn't realize was that perhaps I have pushed away men and women who were good friends.

I've got to look up the God and Goddess (or multiples) who help with dreams and working through issues. I also need to learn to ask my Champion Goddess and God for different guidance.

Peace

All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

My therapist has suggested that I start keeping a dream journal and a daily written journal. Neither of these should interfere with my blogging. Actually, it may give me entries. We shall see.

Opinions?

p.s. I handed in my resignation to the part-time job yesterday. Went a little too smoothly. I start my new adventure at the end of the month.

Peace

New Moon & New Opportunities

Life.

We all go through it in different ways. Even identical twins have separate experiences.

Regroup.

The Collective Life here hasn't been horrible; it hasn't been the best, either. It may be getting better.

Yes, Daughter arrives this coming weekend! But that isn't all.

I have been offered another job. One in an office; one that allows me flexibility. One that, doesn't pay great right away, but the pay grows as my job does. I'm negotiating through email. I think I'll take it.

Amazing...every New Moon since Yule has put a new opportunity or new joy in my lap.

Thank you Goddess.

Peace

My Kind of Story

And who said humans were totally rotten to wildlife? (click the sentence for the story)

Peace

And what makes you so special?

As seen on Autumn's Blog..

Here are the rules if you want to join in.
1) Go to Wikipedia
2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year
3) List three events that happened on your birthday
4) List two important birthdays and one death
5) One holiday or observance (if any)

• 32-year-old Erik Weihenmayer, of Boulder, Colorado, becomes the first blind person to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
• George Lucas' film, Star Wars, is released, and becomes an instant hit.
• Scopes Trial: John T. Scopes is indicted for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution.

• Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist and philosopher born
• Igor Sikorsky, Russian inventor born
• Marie-Madeleine Pioche de la Vergne, comtesse de la Fayette, French writer passses

• Ancient Latvia - Urbanas Diena observed

What's yours?

Instant Karma?

So, yesterday, I was suppose to go to a "cattle call" for a job at a financial institution. I have been applying for jobs at this place for almost a year now. I have made follow-up calls, only to be told, "If we want to interview you, we will call you."

I didn't go.

I got dressed, printed my resume, drove downtown...I went to the bookstore instead.

Yes, I don't care for the retail job I have now; and, the pay 'sucks a duck'. But, I do have flexibility at the job - as long as I give enough notice, time off isn't a problem.

I just didn't go.

After an hour in the bookstore (I saw many, many lovely books!), I started home. Only 5 miles out and

KA-POP!

My front, left tire went flat.
There is a (now) funny story on that. If you want me to post it, just ask.
Let's just say a nice man stopped and changed my tire for me. He said I was too pretty to get dirty *flirt*
Husband arrived about 5 minutes after nice man left. He just smiled and said, "Of course he helped you - you are gorgeous." Yep, he wants something :)

I'm wondering, did my tire blow out because I didn't go to the cattle call and told husband I did? Or was it just time for the tire to go?

Off to the tire place today. whoo-pee

Peace & thanks for reading!

Posting

Posting this photo so I can update my profile.

Found this photo here.

Also at the cool new place I found, you can find your Goddess Sign. Mine is Persephone, which, after reading about her, makes total sense! Find yours and share!

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. ~Mark Twain

I'll be away again for a bit.

I want to leave you all with good wishes for a Happy-Blessed-Meaningful-Colorful Ostara.
I know my Spiritual Sister Bridgette will be making the most of the day.

Peace

While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about

Psyche is the Greek Goddess of the soul. She supports you in self-discovery and personal growth. Psyche shows you the way to integrate all of your experiences into your being and transform them into positive change.

"I am Horus, the great Falcon upon the ramparts of the house of him of the hidden name. My flight has reached the horizon. I have passed by the gods of Nut. I have gone further than the gods of old. Even the most ancient bird could not equal my very first flight. I have removed my place beyond the powers of Set, the foe of my father Osiris. No other god could do what I have done. I have brought the ways of eternity to the twilight of the morning. I am unique in my flight. My wrath will be turned against the enemy of my father Osiris and I will put him beneath my feet in my name of 'Red Cloak'."

These are the images I had with me during my recent trip. Everyone looks for "signs" in their life; I am no different. Each individual finds and interprets signs to fit their individual needs, wants, and desires. These are mine which I wish to share with you.

While away, after every encounter I had with someone - whether individual or as a group - I took the time to reflect on the verbal and non-verbal interactions. I accepted each challenge or difficulty as a sign for me to understand more about myself and what I want. This was most evident by my 3+ hour conversation with a man from Wisconsin.

I've never had a fear of flying; I am just not keen on landings. Seeing clouds in the form of Hawks the day of my trip assured me I was in good hands/wings.

As much as someone in my "circle" wants to destroy my relationship with my Daughter, I realize no one can cut that bond. I will continue to do what is just and right, in the way that suits me (and my Daughter) best - I am unique in my flight.

Peace

What I did on my Summer Vacation

OK, it wasn't Summer and it really wasn't a vacation.
I cannot reveal all that occurred, but I can tell you some.

I did get to see My Daughter. She got taller and more beautiful. She is going through a difficult time and was "thankful" (her word) that I was able to be with her through some of it. I was amazed that the 2 'adults' (using the term lightly) she lives did not speak with her at all about what to expect, what would probably happen, or even ask her how she was feeling through the whole thing. I mean, damn stupid people! Sorry...

On my flight back from seeing her, I 'met' a very nice man who - although said he was happily married - was trying to pick me up. That was a mixed bag of feelings - flattered that someone who wasn't too bad looking would say I had a "pretty face" and "wonderful laugh" - trepidation to not give him the wrong idea or to be stalked by him. It worked out OK. The most interesting thing was his telling me about Metaphysics. Which, I know nothing about, but now, wonder if I shouldn't find a book on it. From what he described, it would help me in my Spiritual quest. I'll let you know.

Another thing that happened - I bought me a lawyer. OK, I didn't really buy him, just gave him a few gagillion to get My Daughter where she belongs - with me! He agreed that I had bad representation the first time around; he also agreed that the ex's wife is not the one who should be having a say in how My Daughter is raised. Oh, and he 'knows' the 'right' people in the legal system down there.

So, all in all, it was a good week. I miss My Daughter and hate that I cannot save her from everything. I will get to see her next week again - so, blog lacking will occur.

I also had some interesting Spiritual 'things' happen. I'll save those for another post.

Peace

My Broom is now in the Shop

After being gone for a bit, my Broom is going to need a tune-up


Seriously, I've returned. I'll be posting this week. Anything in particular anyone want me to share?

Peace

Spirit of the wind Keep me safe

Everyone,

I will not be blogging this week. I have an errand to run.

Peace

Women, Lots of Pretty Women

There isn't a specific passage or chapter in the book for today's post. Just a generality.

In the light of the Da Vinci Code, there has been a re-awakening of the part women play in Christianity. I will not discuss the possibility of Jesus and Mary (Magdalene) having a child/children - I do not have enough knowledge to give an intelligent point of view. However, there are many references to women in the life of Jesus that makes me wonder - was Jesus born a Jew but accepting of Pagan philosophy?

Geez, this is heavy stuff!

It is mentioned that Jesus was in the company of those considered "unclean". This included women. Male followers of Jesus found this to be horrid and not the work of a true savior. After all, wasn't 'He' here to give his teachings and ways to 'God' only to those worthy? How could women be worthy? Women being worthy was not a Jewish view, but a Pagan one.

Many women followed Jesus while he "spread the Word of God". They gave up their homes, families, ways of life, to follow this man. When Jesus (supposedly) rose from the Dead, he revealed himself first not to a man, but to a woman - a suspected whore. At Jesus' crucifixion, "There was a crowd of women followers at the cross, when all but one of the male company had fled or stood far off." How Pagan of them!

I believe Jesus understood the strength and power of women and of the Feminine. He understood that, without women, life could not continue. I'm speaking not just of procreation, food, and shelter, but also of progressive thinking, curiosity, the want of better for future generations.

Modern Christians - both male and female - miss this point. Yes, there are places in the Bible that state women should be subservient to men. However, Jesus did not teach this. 'He' taught that all are equal under 'God'. Again, here is a difference between true followers of Christianity and those who just want to control.

I believe in the Sacred Feminine and the Sacred Masculine. I believe that the Goddess and God are equal, just as people are equal. I pray equally to the Goddess and the God. There will be some Pagans/Wiccans who will disagree with me; that is fine. Isn't tolerance and acceptance part of our faith, as well?

p.s. I'm sure someone will use this story to "prove" the Devil is a woman :)