An Open Letter to Readers & Bloggers

Dear Blog-Friends,

Over the last (I think) 3 years, I have enjoyed your company. Better said, because of you, I have had more courage and self-appreciation.

It is with deep regret that I sadly tell you...I am quitting blogging.

My life is very full now - my daughter, husband, brother, school, dogs, cats, house. I just don't have the time to dedicate to this blog.

I thank all of you for your help and support. Please feel free to comment or email me (if you put your email in a comment, I won't post the comment).

Be Well.

Peace

The Wall that Heals

We went to see the miniature reproduction of the Vietnam War Memorial - "The Wall that Heals".
I cannot describe to you the sadness and emptiness I found there. Being empathetic and sensitive has its downside.

I weep for the loss
of stranger's kin
I weep for the unknown
the fallen have faced
I weep for the men
who will never relax
who are now in the plane
reserved for those
who will no longer
suffer

I weep for the loss
of my husband's friends
I weep for the loss
of my father's soul
I weep knowing
my father will never
share the loss of his
innocence only to
suffer

Peace

New Moon, New Trials

Much has been happening - personally, spiritually. It will take a few posts to write about it. Here is the preview.

Spiritually: I re-picked up a book, The Circle Within, last week. I am determined to rejuvenate my spirituality and this book is a good way to start. Thank you, Bridgette, for the book. My happiness is increasing by the moment.

Personally: My Child's living arrangements are now in turmoil, again. Yes, I thought this was all figured out. But, due to what happened at the end of last year and the interference of my ex's spouse, things are a mess. Anger is not a strong enough word.

Until the next post....

Peace

Of Illness & Cleaning

I've been taking even more steps toward de-cluttering my home and my life. It is working out pretty well. It is difficult, though, to just let some things "go"; but, gosh, I just can't figure out how to clone myself! I will have to write a post dedicated to what I have been doing - in more detail - and where I found some of my inspiration - one from Willow :)

My spouse - who is rarely ill - has been sick for a week. So sick, in fact, he did not go to work for 2 days! This is unheard of! Because of this, even less stuff got "done" around the home; and the phone rang more often with MIL checking on him 2 or 4 times a day. He is finally coming out of it, but, guess what? Yup - my turn! I'm not proud like him - I will take any manner of OTC or homeopathic remedies I can find to be (somewhat) human during waking hours.

I've already started my morning asking Goddess to give me strength and wellness during the day, and then, while I sleep, give me strength to heal. I've also asked her forgiveness for using the elixirs and 'candies' made by Dr. Vicks and Dr. Ricola. I think she is OK with it.

Peace

Part 2

I'm feeling sad today. Well, more weepy. I thought maybe if I got Part 2 out, it might help.

As soon as I hung up from the discussion, I let out a horrifying scream. The animals hid under the beds and the house was shaking. I didn’t know whether to throw up or dig a hole in the back yard to bury myself.

I regained my composure and started to call everyone – my therapist, child's therapist, my Parent, my Sibling, my lawyer. I left messages for everyone. I called the police and asked if there was something they could do; they said that, if child did not return on the scheduled date, to call again and then they could do something. That something would be to go to where child was, bring child back, and arrest the ex.

For the next 3 days, I walked around the house, taking down and putting away everything that reminded me of child - photos, drawings; I cleaned out the child's bathroom cupboard shelves, pitching anything I thought was too old or un-usable. It took me 2 days to be able to go into child's room; that is where I put everything I collected. My spouse was upset with me “cleaning”, but it was the only way I could deal with what had happened. I didn’t know when – or if – I would be seeing child again.

Part 1

As promised, I will start to tell what happened during the last week of December.

Part 1

Child called me on my cell. Child said my ex wanted to talk to me. I asked child why child did not know. I asked if there was an emergency - the answer was no. I told child that I would call my ex later, when I was home.

Later, I called my ex. He told me “they” talked with the lawyer and lawyer said child could (a) J would return Home and stay until child decided to return to ex's; (b) child would return home and then return to ex's as soon as school year was over; or (c) child would stay with ex and not come home. Ex said child told him child wants to stay with him and not return home. Ex also this because I had "no right" to "sue" for custody. I explained that I was not “suing” – I just wanted legal documentation that showed me as the primary custodial parent. I also ex that child told “us” (me, husband, counselor) that child wanted to be with me for at least one more year. Ex said, “I think you need to talk to child about that.” So, I did.

Child gave me the same "speech" – “they” talked to the lawyer, what the options were…but, child wants to come home and, at the end of school, discuss what to do next. I told child the ex had a different idea. Child said that didn't make sense because child told ex the same thing. I told child she needed to have another talk with my ex. She put ex back on phone.

Ex said child doesn't want to leave him. I asked about certain legal restrictions about child's travel; he said lawyer could have those changed in a day. I said I was not OK with this and that child should return to finish her commitments. Ex said nothing. I said, “You aren’t going to allow her to return, are you?” Ex said he wasn't. Ex put child back on phone.

I told child what ex said. Child said, “No, that’s not it.” I heard her ex in the background yelling at child. Suddenly, child said, “I’m not coming back.” I said, “OK. When did you change your mind?” Child said she didn’t know. I asked if it was before or after she arrived in at ex's. Child said it was after because “we did a lot of thinking about it” and it made the most sense to stay. I asked to talk to ex. Ex got back on the phone. I asked when I would see child again and he said, “I dunno; I’ll have to think about that. Goodbye.” and hung up.

So, I'll do it

I have decided to write about the kidnapping, threats, and Spiritual tearing and posting it on this blog.

However, before I can do so, I must write it in a letter to the person who has been by my side - Spiritually and otherwise - for the last few years. My "sister" Bridgette.

Once I write the letter and send it off, I will publish a version here.

Be patient, please.

In the meantime, any help or advice on re-affirming my Beliefs - I need new books to read, too - would be greatly appreciated.

Peace

School, Yule and being Cool

Made you smile, didn't I?!

So, school starts in January. I am having difficulty getting all the people who are paying for this to get their butts in gear! Frustrating waiting for someone to do something that they say "takes only a few minutes". But, I'm patient - more so now than ever!

Yule - festive, gift-giving, eat-too-much! I am hoping to decorate my Altar for this Yule. I have no Yule Log - my fault - so I need to do something! With Parvarti's help, the Tree is glowing with white lights this year.

The event that will take place upon Parvarti's other parent either happened yesterday or will happen today. I am doing my best to keep my stomach where it belongs and my glee under control. If the parent is smart, he will just say "OK" and let us move on. If the parent lets himself to be (again) controlled, this will be longer and more expensive than it needs to be. Yes, I will update you!

In the Spirit of Yule, I give you this picture.



Peace.

Cleanliness is next to...

As for trite sayings...

Setting: A non-work day in which all good Christians are begging forgiveness for sins they have not done. Our home; food cooking; MIL arrives 50 minutes early.
MIL: Oh, I hope Sonny didn't cook! He is so busy working all week!
Me: No, I cooked. *jokingly* Afterall, I just sit around all week and eat bonbons...
MIL: Sonny should be sitting and resting. He could easily get the dia-beat-us again!
Sonny: Ligeia offered to cook.
MIL: Oh, do you want me to clean the kitchen floor for you? They say 'Cleanliness is next to Godliness'.
Me: Then everyone who lives in this house is going to Hell.

Peace.


p.s. Lunacy is next to Paranoia - just because I can't remember the facts about one of my ex-family member's mental states, I'm (again) the Devil-Incarnate. Gave me a good laugh!

News

For all of those following the saga - which I haven't posted about in FOREVER...

The papers regarding child's living arrangements will be served upon the ex by this time next week.

How do we feel about this?

Peace

What to Inform you of

I've been home, away, home, far away, home, close-away, home.

Horus has seen me and my loved ones safely through the adventures.

Psyche has allowed me to remember few dreams. Until 2 nights ago. Reliving an event in an alternate reality - odd and confusing.

I'm hoping to write more often. No promises.

I have, oddly, had time to read other blogs.

Peace

How excited can one circle get?

Very, if it comes to all of those in my circle.

I've managed to excite 3 blog friends, one long-time friend, one friend I made through my Brother, Bridgette, couple of college friends, my Spouse (who is now named Patrick), my Parents, and, gee, there two more people....oh, yes...Me & My Daughter.

Why you should ask? On the twenty-ninth day of this glorious month of May, my Daughter will be moving in with Patrick and I.

Yes, you read that correctly - MOVING IN. And, not for a short time, either. Until she graduates from high school - she can stay longer, if she likes.

The joy is just flowing through and around all of us.

This will mean a lot of interesting blogging, I'm sure.

Peace

Merriment Coming Soon

This last week has been full of surprises. Most good. Especially this one.

Now, don't break out the bubbly just yet BUT

Remember this post? Well, thanks be to Themis and Demeter, resolution is nearly complete.

I have it IN WRITING from my Child's father that, yes, Child will be here for her next school year AND for this coming full summer. Yep, I have "permission" to bring Child here the day after her last day of school for this year.

I can guarantee that, the day Child arrives, you will hear the most glorious music from the Heavens and Earth, Animals and Persephone, and Us.

Yes, I will keep you posted.

Peace & Joy!

It ain't me - It's everybody else!

I used to make fun of Christians who gave their problems to their God. Then, I realized that, for the intelligent people, this was just a way of allowing things/issues to take care of themselves. Yesterday's issue has been resolved, well, almost.

It seems that spouse (I have to find a pseudonym) was concerned because his mother received a call from someone looking for his 2nd-son (her grandson). What is odd is that neither one of them has heard from, seen, or talked to 2nd-son for over 15 years. Spouse asked me to contact 1st-son to see if he knew what may be happening. 1st-son said he had no clue. If he found out anything, he would let us know.

Spouse is concerned because his mother is now upset (oh, this is a story in itself) and, even though he has no contact with 2nd-son, he is still spouse's son. We don't stop caring about our kids just because we haven't seen them for a while. It is one of the reasons I married him.

I suggested to spouse that he 'give' his problem to his God. He gave me the "pbth" so I gave it to my Goddess. Spiritual help via proxy!

Peace

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia

Something is not right with my spouse. I'm not sure what it is, though.
I usually do not worry about such things but, this morning, my spouse was unusually distant - as if spouse perceived I had done something "wrong".
I'm writing this here just to get it out.
Yes, I must go speak with my Goddess and God to help me work through this. I know they cannot fully resolve it, but they can give me a way to express what I feel and help in dealing with it.

Peace