Looking a Gift Horse in the....

Things have been fairly lousy the last year or so. Yes, Freya is here - I think I need another name for her....But as for money, love, and general peace (piece?) of mind, it hasn't been working out so well.

This week, however, life is looking up. They are small steps (which I knew they would be) and there are no promises hidden in those prints. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I cannot become excited about the prospects.

With the Sun in Scorpio, I should be having a burst of power and energy; I have neither, in any facet of my life. I have a burst of hope, and a burst of activity, and finally a burst of Sun-shine. But...but...

BUT

My pessimism has gotten the better of me. Oh, sure, I can put on the happy face, act perky and spew out optimism and helpful hints. I'm pleasant, well-mannered, courteous, interested, and talkative. It is all for others - it is all an act. Could this be why I'm not sleeping well?

Sure, look a the bright side! See the glass as half-full! Look at the possibilities!

*blech* It frightens me to exhaustion - what if these things don't work out? What if someone decides they didn't make the right decision? How do I know what my instincts are telling me if I've been so apt to not listen lately?

Faith & Hope. Without those, we would perish.

I'm not quite ready to perish.

Peace

Mabon

As with most of my celebrations this year, Mabon was quiet and unassuming. Sundays are usually not days Freya and I look forward to. This is a sad state, and it is my duty to change this pallor day. Moving on...

Freya and I took a walk in the morning and took many photos of our land. The Autumn colors are beautiful and vibrant, reminding us that, even though soon these colors will fall and ice-white Winter will arrive, we still have life left in us.

I spent time in the evening meditating and asking myself to have faith in myself. I thanked the Goddess for moving us along and keeping her nurturing glow around us. I wished the God a grand send off, but told him he must leave part of himself behind to keep me motivated! I'm so selfish.

Peace

Why I should stop...but don't

You'd think Themas would have finished doin' her thing by now, but, nope! We are still in a bit of a life 'n death struggle with the pantomime Princess Margaret...er, sorry, got a bit Python there.

We are still in a struggle for the well-being of Freya.

I read the ex's wife's blog about once a week. I can't handle every day; and the entries I do read, most make me want to throw up.

I should really stop reading. The reason I don't is that all the nonsense builds my case. Sad, actually.

I have to remember to do some deep breathing and ask for some courage before I willy-nilly logon to her blog. If not, things that make me so f***ing mad get my stomach churning and, thus, put my mind in a foul state.

I suppose it is a good thing that Freya's father has someone he can devote himself to and do things for that he would not devote himself to or do things for me. In other words, all those things I found important and he found unnecessary are suddenly right and necessary with her. And, yes, she knows this and, yes, she does flaunt it - "he wouldn't dare do this for the bio-mom...because she was undeserving". Yes, that is written in the history.

OK, enough, right?

Peace

More New Beginnings

Last night was surprisingly wonderful. After a full-day of no relief from migraine, I thought any type of Blue Moon celebration was out. But, Psyche and Horus would not hear of that!

Daughter - who will now be known as Freya - wanted to see my Tarot cards. Mind you, these have not seen the light of the Moon in many months. I performed a simple reading - unfortunately, I didn't explain very well what type of question she needed to be asking the Cards, and the answer I got was screwy, and so was her question! We tried again; this time, a longer read.

Not having any idea what she might be thinking, I used a basic Celtic spread. Each card in each position made total sense to her. A few times she gave me the, "Well, DUH!" answer, which was eerily funny. However, the best times were those when Freya gave me the saucer eyes of, "How the heck did They know that?!"

The gist of the reading was right on; Freya knows that what she wants to do and needs to do are nearly the same and just not that difficult.

With full egotism, I will state ... I still got it!

Peace