You're Catholic, aren't you?

J - "I don't care what happens after I die. I'll be dead."
E - "Johnny! How can you say that? It's unholy to not be buried."
G - "Not in all religions."
E - "Well, if you are Christian."
G - "What about all those knights in the Middle Ages who were burned. They claimed to be Christian."
E - "Well, that was before they knew how to bury people."
L - "There are some Christians who are cremated, too."
E - "Well, I know you don't believe in God..."
L - "I don't believe in a Christian God. I beieve in a God and..."
J - "She doesn't believe the way you do, Mom."
E - "You're Catholic, aren't you?"
*L drops fork on floor*
*G chokes on meat*
*J turns red*
L - "I'm almost as far away from Catholic as you can get! If I were any further away, I'd be a Satanist! Catholics are Christians, by the way."
E - "No they're not. "
G - "Grandma, Catholics believe in Christ."
E - "But they pray to him differently. It doesn't bother me, but they are Catholic, not Christians. Well, if you aren't Catholic, what are you?"
L - "I'm..."
J - "Not what you are Mom. Want more meat?"

This was the scene (or close to it) at last Sunday's dinner. The participants were me, Significant Other (with a name change), SO's Mom, and SO's Son. SO's Mom still has no idea what I believe; I don't know that she would understand past the fact that I don't believe in the divinity of Christ - although, she has trouble with that, too.

Shooting the Messenger

So, I got this temporary job, doing something I used to do/am good at doing/get paid well for doing it. (I apologize for the bad grammar)

All was going well, until this morning. Try to follow along, I need all the sympathy I can get. Oh, and, btw, I don't understand all the fine details of exactly what I'm doing - I've given only bits and pieces at a time.

I work primarily with 2 people - B & R - and an outside contact - Q. Yesterday, only B was in the office. B was working on a project R had started. B was unsure about a certain procedure, so, B contacted Q. Q informed her that what R had done was not the way to do it and we needed to do it differently. B gave me this information and B and I proceeded. B then had another question and asked it of Q. Q told her, yes, B and I were to undo something done by R. As yesterday progressed, B began to doubt whether or not we should undo what R did.

Lost yet?

So, today, B is not in the office but R is. I explained to R what B had explained to me yesterday. R contacted Q for verification and Q said, yes, this is what needs to be done. So, R & I continued to do such.

B eventually called R to find out if R understood all the notes. R said yes B did but was confused about the last bit (undoing what R had done). B said, no, that was not what B understood. Can you guess the ending? Yup, R is mad - no PISSED - at me for giving her the wrong information.

Now, as I see it, I gave R information given to me by B given to her by Q. And, if Q is the one who has the final say on what we are doing, and R spoke with him, then, how am I the one in the wrong?

As much as I want this job to turn into something permanent, I'm so disappointed that yet another person (work related) has decided to blame me for giving incorrect information - even though it is the information I was given!

Thank you for listening. Sympathy may be sent in the form of words or money.

Update: R did calm down. R said they asked one question and got an answer for another. No apology, but no pins on my chair, either. Thank you, L!

Encouragement

I know most people don't believe in horoscopes. Those people will say that the scopes fit everyone, everyday in every situation. Perhaps. All I know is that today's gave me a glimmer of encouragement...seeing as how the chain on my talisman broke this morning!

You may feel optimistic today as you continue to gather information about your current emotional situation, especially relating to home and family. Finally you can visualize a path through the mess. It may mean that you need to gloss over some of the details, but this seems like a small price to pay in order to get your life back in order.

For Peabody

Mr. Peabody is someone I look up to It isn't with envy or "school-girl" eyes, it is with respect and intrigue. I cannot allow his questions to go unanswered.

1. Previous experiences : I know that I'm the type of person to allow others to dictate what I do with my life. In my relationships with men, I have always put myself second and, as all but 2 have done, I was third in their life. It also seems that family matters and "have tos" take precedence.

2. In charge : I suppose I am in charge, even if I do not like what is happening. I can make my own decisions and my own changes. I just have to decide what price I wish to pay.

3. Blogging : It is a point of contention with 2 particular people in my life. They do not ask me not to blog, just ask why I do it so much. I also find that when I blog, I put myself "out there"; I get emotionally tied up and it bothers people. If I am going to continue to blog, I will have to keep my emotional self at bay.

I am an emotional person. It isn't drama - I don't contrive situations and I do not share things just to get sympathy. I am better now than I ever was - as far as keeping myself intact and controlled. Unfortunately, this is not who I truly am. I've got so many facets to myself, perhaps I should just pick another when I blog.

Sorry, Peabody, this is a bummer post

I am at the beck and call of everyone else, but not of myself.

Therefore, I am on an un-planned hiatus.

Considering previous experiences, I should have known this would occur.

I am not now, nor will I ever be, my own person in charge of my own life.

I may have to give up blogging, permanently.

I apologize for the doom and gloom. It is how my life appears at the moment.

Blogs and more Blogs

To keep my anonymity (did I spell that correctly?) I cannot reveal all the blogs I read. I can tell you that, as of last count, there were 31 (including the one I'm not 'suppose' to read). I can also tell you that, during my hiatus, and recently due to time on a job, I read and commented only 7 (including the one I'm not 'suppose' to read).

I kept my reading and comments low because I wanted to enjoy what I read and offer intelligent comments. What I found was, that although my reading time was cut by a significant amount, my comments weren't any more intelligent or "quippy" than usual.

I was hoping to learn more about myself, the blogs I choose to read, and the personalities behind the blogs. I learned that I read fast, the blogs I read do not contain violence or extremist views, and the personalities are varied but, at the same time, similar in that they strive for happiness no matter what obstacles get in their path.

So, I can now cross off a few more numbers on my lists. Yipp.

And a new day dawns

The subject/title has nothing to do with this post so don't be looking through my writing wondering, "Hey! Where is that new day?"

Fall has arrived. I wasn't ready for it, but seasons don't set their clocks by what we want, do they? I love the colors of fall and my favorite Sabbat (Samhain) occurs in this season. But, before I get there, I need to experience Mabon with all the other Pagan/Wiccan/Heathens. I don't write much about Sabbats or Esbbats here, but I'm going to make an exception now and more than likely when Samhain arrives.

I suppose this falls under #3 on the What Ligeia Did do list. Hopefully you will find it interesting and enjoyable.

Mabon is celebrated on the Fall Equinox which, this year, falls on September 23. Celebrations include wine, apples, gourds and the calling of Harvest Gods and Goddesses.

Mabon gets its name from the Welsh God Mabon, meaning "great son". Mabon was the son of Modred who was rescued by good ol' King Arthur.

Mabon could be considered the Pagan Thanksgiving as it is a time to give thanks for the end of the Harvest season (the end of time for plants, too) and for remembering those who have left us to go on to the Spirit World.

I plan to make some pumpkin pie, Harvest bread and enjoy a lovely bottle of Australian Zinfandel. Of course, I will take time before bed to thank Mabon, my God and my Goddess for the bounty given to me this year.

I wish you all a Joyous Mabon!

Please visit Jonathon Art

Greetings & Such

Decided it was important to make time for my blog.

Today I will give you explanations for what Ligeia didn't do #1, 2, 6 and what Ligeia did do #2 - the news.

I suppose HNN and Fox News and CNN morning programs were re-formatted to compete with Today, Good Morning America and whatever it is CBS has. This is a shame. Even people who only watch news in the morning need real news - not just pop culture and cool graphics.

Our local fishwrapper is no better, neither are most of the online news options. Sure, I could subscribe to the Wall Street Journal or New York Times, but, why? My interest is not stocks or pithy comments. I'm also not interested who is dating who in Hollywood. I also want to know what happens with a story after today; there has to be some followup.

So, you may ask, what does Ligeia want to know. Well, she wants to know how plant shutdowns will affect the economy AND what our "leaders" are going to do about it. She wants to know all sides of the evolution/intelligent design battle and how we can come to an agreement. She wants to know about the steps to getting the troops back from "the war on terror" and for someone to explain what we are to do if we are attacked again, without our troops here. I also want to know how a ball of gas can be a planet but not Pluto.

To end on a happy note, my temp job is progressing and, if all goes well, may continue through the Fall. I spoke with my daughter the other day and she is happy and healthy.

Peace

The Temporarily Turning Tide

I have been offered a temporary job. I will work until the early part of October and I will be paid well. If I'm liked, I will get to stay longer.

It isn't much money, but it is money. It is an OK place to work with decent people. I'm just not used to being out of the house for 8 hours a day. I'll adjust, I'm sure.

I will get back to the list in a day or two.

Peace

Relgious Connections

I saw this on the Pagan Sojourn blog and, with permission, will be sharing my ideas here.

**I apologize if I have stolen any of Sojourner's words**

Sojourner read this line “Transpersonal Psychology concerns the study of those states and processes in which people experience a deeper sense of who they are, or a greater sense of connectedness with other, with nature, or the spiritual dimension” on the back of a text book*. She then wrote why the subject of religion interests her.

I liked the line (had heard or read something similar myself) and liked what she wrote - how she dissected it and then expounded. I'm going to do the same.

A Deeper Sense of Who I Am

Learning about Wicca - Paganism allowed me to learn more about my personal/inner self. I have come to appreciate - and not despise - the many facets of me. I am not a one- or even two-dimensional person and that is OK. It is comforting to know that the Goddess knows and loves my true self; this gives me to the courage to accept who I am.

And, as Sojourner said, knowing that the Goddess - and God - are "watching" me, I have learned that it is not just being good, but having good intentions.

A Greater Sense of Connectedness with Others

This may be different than for most people. My connectedness with people is not due to my faith but because of my faith. What I mean is this (please don't laugh):

I am highly empathetic. I figured this out the first time I went into a church after I started learning about Wicca. I had an overwhelming sense of sorrow and contentment and happiness and gut-wrenching fear - it was every emotion all at once. I cried. I always ALWAYS cried when I went into a church. I had a few people tell me it was the spirit of Jesus entering my heart. I knew this wasn't so - this was not something other-worldly.

As I read more, meditated, and talked to my Mentor, I realized what was going on - something I was told was a "bad" part of me was something quite good. Feeling, understanding - empathy - is a necessary part of who I am. I asked the Goddess for guidance and what to do with this "power". Her answer was simple: Be there. So, I use this gift - and many others - to be there for anyone who needs me. This is my connectedness to others.

I no longer cry when going into churches, but I still must meditate on a high level before I immerse myself into collections of people. Otherwise, every joy, pain, fear come flooding in!

A Greater Sense of Connectedness with Nature

Sojourner wrote:"Paganism has a special emphasis on how we are connected to nature. We are a part of the world’s life cycles; we are a part of everything around us. This connection is shown through explicit (Pagan holidays) and implicit (Pagan teachings and values) ways." I could not say this better.

I will add that I look to the Moon and to Birds to heighten and cement my connections. To those who knew me when I was younger, this will seem very odd. I was not an outside person. I liked being outside, but, the messages I received about my capabilities (or lack of) were so damaging, I was very uncomfortable outside...Unless I was alone, in a particular place in the yard, and there were birds. I felt free, I felt strong, I had no fears, I was open to the wind and what the Goddess was saying to me.

I believe it is true that religion is important to people because they need answers to "Why" and "How". Religious tradition keeps us going and keeps us connected. It shouldn't be the 'flavor' of faith that connects us - Christian, Buddhist, Pagan - but the understanding that we all believe in something. I'm not discounting Athiests - they have a belief system, too; it just does not contain an outer-worldly being. We each need our beliefs in ourselves, others, Supreme Beings, and our families - whether by blood or not - to keep us going, to keep us human.

* Daniels, M. (2005). Shadow, self, spirit: essays in transpersonal psychology. Imprint-Academic: UK.

Oh, Lighten up already

You Are From Jupiter

You are exuberantly curious - and you love to explore newness. Enthusiastic and optimistic, you get a kick out of stimulating intellectual discussions. Foreign cultures and languages fascinate you. You love the outdoors, animals, and freedom. Chances are you tend to exaggerate, so try to keep a lid on that. If you do, you'll continue to be known for your confidence, generosity, and sense of justice.

What Planet Are You From?

No Apologies

I’m off the list again. I’ve just got something boiling in me to get out.

I think one of the reasons I stopped watching/listening to the news (or pseudo-news) was my fed-up-ness with intolerant people – especially the ones that claim to be “good Christians” or believe in the First Amendment only if you agree with them.

One of the things that sent me over the edge was the attack by the female human in my daughter’s life. It was nothing new and it was expected. I have not defended myself to this person in over a year – for that, I am proud. But I’m angry – no, pissed – that she is spreading lies and teaching my daughter to be such a hypocrite.

No, I’m not perfect, but I would not spew venom about someone else to make myself feel better and to win approval of my spouse. I also do not teach my child to lie, cheat or to be nasty toward people. Unfortunately, my daughter has learned all of these things, and uses them.

And, still, I’m the Devil Mother.

My Apologies & #9

The title says it all.

After returning home from a not-so-fabulous temp job (I get to go again today & tomorrow), my migraine took full control of my head. Last night I was down AND out.

Some medication, chicken soup and sleep later, I'm here to post the promised post. I just hope my readers are not disappointed.

This post will address #9 of what Ligeia Did Do - she watched movies. This was important to Ligeia. Why? Well, the full story is long, involved, and does not belong here. For now, let's leave it at this: Due to twists and turns in Ligeia's life, she has been denied the pleasure of going to or renting movies.

I love movies. Not for the escapism (although, some are pure escape) but for the realtionships and interactions - how they form, how they change, how people change because of each other and circumstances. I don't think I really appreciated movies for such until I saw "The Grapes of Wrath." I'm sure I read the book long ago, but don't remember doing so. I watched the movie under protest - my Mom said it was what I was going to do one Saturday afternoon. Watching Henry Fonda change through the movie was sad and added to my already teenage angst. But that was it - I felt something (besides "oh joyous, happy ending").

After this, I re-watched my 2 favorite movies (which I cannot reveal here) again, but this time, paid attention to the people and relationships. I also got hooked on B&W films. Thinking about it, did GofW get me hooked, or was it the fact that I was no longer sleeping at night and I had a B&W TV in my room...whichever it was, I saw movies in a completely different way.

Back to point. I will tell you what I watched (within 2 weeks):

• What's Eating Gilbert Grape
• Lord of the Rings - 1, 2, 3
• X-Men - 1,2 (is 3 out yet?)
• Unbreakable
• Brother's Grimm (eh)
• 6th Sense (again)
• Constantine (again)

OK, so, no great American or French Films, no classic Sci-Fi, but GREAT relationship films.

Life is all about relationships - it is not something we can escape - even hermits have relationships (not having classified as having) - we need to learn to relate to one another without the fear of retribution - of course, we do not have the right to purposefully harm anyone or be rude or unkind - we have a responsibility to one another.

p.s. I apologize to anyone that now has the 'song' "Number 9" from the Beatles White Album stuck in their heads.

Down, but not Out

Remember this post. It wasn't that long ago.

I'm going to a 1/2 day job today. It isn't something I'd pick to do as a career; but, I get my foot in the door and, perhaps, I'll get better opportunities.

To commemorate this occasion I'll be writing another post today. Yep, 2 posts in one day! And, I'll write about something on one of my lists!

Yes, I can hear the bated breath of my 3 readers, sitting on the edge of their seat, wondering, "What could it be?"

You will just have to wait.

Lost another one to Ditech

No, I'm not promoting Ditech; it just seemed like an appropriate title.

Seems someone who was a friend has decided not to be any more. No, I don't know why. It was their decision, not mine.

I've got to learn not to give myself away in pieces to people who may not stay around.

Perhaps that will be part of my re-learning in Spirituality.

Update: I should have written that I've always had a hard time keeping friends. Well, maybe "keeping" is the wrong word. I will write, call, email, carrier pigeon, whatever; it's just that some people do not "water" the friendship or take offense to something and do not bother to discuss it with me. That is why I have very few close friends (2, now).

Back to the list

Thought I'd get back to the list. In this post, I'll cover #14 and #15 of what Ligeia did do.

Organization started with figuring out what I need to get rid of. They are both works in progress. I did make over $100 on eBay; apparently not much by "real" eBay users but, hey, I now have stuff I no longer want, made some people happy, and have less mess to organize.

I sold mostly music. Music that, although I like it, I just don't have a need for it anymore. I used to live and breath a particular rock group (stating it would give me away). But, I don't need to own collector's CDs (never opened) or interview discs (listened to once). I also got rid of CD collector sets given to me by people no longer in my life and just having them around was painful. Not that I miss those people - I still have the album my high-school sweetheart gave me, will NEVER part with that - but seeing these items and remember the lies that went with them, well, can't deal with that.

I re-organized my kitchen drawers and got rid of things I just haven't used in like forever. And, I really don't think we need 33 (yes, 33) corn holders. Doing the re-org I found lost serving utensils and re-found my favorite placemats. Guess what color they are?

My working area got a good org-ing, as did my daughter's room (easier when she isn't here) and my bedroom. I still have the 4+ rooms in the lower-level to take care of; that will happen over the next few weeks.

The best part of it all was finding the treasures I had forgotten about or thought I lost. I was thrilled to go through my books as I found the first book my father ever gave me. Repairing that relationship has been the second most difficult thing I've ever done; finding the book helped me remember that, even though he was/is a complete f-ing bastard who deserves to pay for his transgressions, he actually cared about me at some point in my life.

Which makes me realize something interesting:

• I can't keep CDs that lying non-related male bastards gave me
• I can keep books, pictures, etc. that a related male bastard gave me

Anyone like to comment?

Hit & Run

Quickly:

Apparently, I've pissed off someone who I thought I had built a friendship with (no, it is not you Loralee :) I have made an apology but apparently it wasn't enough...apparently

I got bad sleep last night - bed at 1030, last clock look at 1130, paranoid all night that my Girl puppy would leave a puddle somewhere (this creates temper on the part of my husband), awake at 1:10 as Boy dog was up and moving; finally got out of bed at 2:30 to find Boy left presents; back to bed, last look at clock 4:45; husband wakes me up at 6:30 wanting to know if I'm getting out of bed soon.

What?! It is SUNDAY dammit! I don't get out of bed before 8 on Sunday - if I've had good sleep - unless it is really that damn important.

So, 7:30, out of bed, found more presents from the Boy (yes, I'm doing nothing so I'm in charge of cleaning), met with eggs and sausage from husband, thank you, made coffee, then the comment, "Do you have a hangover?" "No, I've got 3-1/2 hours of sleep."

Not to worry, husband still has all body parts in the places the Goddess put them. It was a close one. I'm just too freakin' tired to fight.

Oh, goody...off to spend time with husband's mother. I think I'll just walk slowly into the lake...

Yet another quiz

Perhaps I'm taking the easy way on the blog today and the other day...perhaps not.

In order to fulfill my spiritual need, I've got to do some re-connecting with myself. These little quizzes help - they help me figure out where I might want to spend more time building up parts of me or working on what seems to "break" a lot.

Anyway, I like this one.

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?