An Open Letter to Readers & Bloggers

Dear Blog-Friends,

Over the last (I think) 3 years, I have enjoyed your company. Better said, because of you, I have had more courage and self-appreciation.

It is with deep regret that I sadly tell you...I am quitting blogging.

My life is very full now - my daughter, husband, brother, school, dogs, cats, house. I just don't have the time to dedicate to this blog.

I thank all of you for your help and support. Please feel free to comment or email me (if you put your email in a comment, I won't post the comment).

Be Well.

Peace

Mind & Body

Don't ever let anyone tell you that the Mind & Body are not connected.

With all the stress I've been under over the last 12+ months - and more so over the last 2 - my body is "rejecting" my mind.

Covered in scales
red with itch
blood in dots

Brain is shaken
stirred
clamoring with mud

Relaxation
impossible to find
cramped in a box

Surprisingly, my Spirituality is in tact.

Peace

The Wall that Heals

We went to see the miniature reproduction of the Vietnam War Memorial - "The Wall that Heals".
I cannot describe to you the sadness and emptiness I found there. Being empathetic and sensitive has its downside.

I weep for the loss
of stranger's kin
I weep for the unknown
the fallen have faced
I weep for the men
who will never relax
who are now in the plane
reserved for those
who will no longer
suffer

I weep for the loss
of my husband's friends
I weep for the loss
of my father's soul
I weep knowing
my father will never
share the loss of his
innocence only to
suffer

Peace

It Rolls Downhill, right?

Thanks to the wife, my child is learning how to cheat, lie, disobey, avoid consequences...

This whole thing just needs to get settled and be over!

Peace

Thoughts

I've come up with an idea to use in my Auto-Bio. For those of you new to my life - and for those of you who have forgotten - I am (slowly) wititng my autobiography (Auto-Bio).

The first "chapter" I wrote was a self-centered story about a 5 month period in my life. It is not complete, but, the feelings are. I have some re-writing to do on it, but have decided to put that off.

I have another "chapter" sketched. Instead of writing in story form, I'm thinking of writing in free verse. The main reason for this is that this chapter is about a certain person and events about that person. The feelings are still raw and very real. But, the memories are fractured - some memories are mine, some are the product of people telling me the same story over and over, I made it my memory.

I have not decided how to begin or end the Auto-Bio - I'm not a "beginning to end" person. Anyone who knows me well knows that I start in the middle and work out. That's just the way it is; I'm not changing it.

Any thoughts or ideas or admonishments are welcome.

Peace

What to tell

Spiritually, things are looking up (no pun intended). I am performing new exercises to bring me closer to my inner self and, thus, the Goddess and God. I don't know if it is my upbringing or something else, but, my "main" Being is male. Perhaps it is just what I need now....

I'm not sure how much - if anything - to write about what has been happening this month. I have very good blog friends - and "real" friends - who want to know how to help. For that, I am grateful in ways I cannot verbalize. There is just SO much going on and SO much backstory and SO much else to tell. How much is too much for people?

Peace

New Moon, New Trials

Much has been happening - personally, spiritually. It will take a few posts to write about it. Here is the preview.

Spiritually: I re-picked up a book, The Circle Within, last week. I am determined to rejuvenate my spirituality and this book is a good way to start. Thank you, Bridgette, for the book. My happiness is increasing by the moment.

Personally: My Child's living arrangements are now in turmoil, again. Yes, I thought this was all figured out. But, due to what happened at the end of last year and the interference of my ex's spouse, things are a mess. Anger is not a strong enough word.

Until the next post....

Peace

HA!

More on the online Poker Cats Contest

Back and then again...

Being sick is no fun. Having lots of work to do is no fun, too. Having no help to do the work and no help while being sick, that is no fun, too, too. Moving on...

I've finally got some things under control, and, after the Eclipse last week (or the week before?) I've got more balance and energy - Thank you Goddess!
But, of course, there is that new rock in my shoe...I must be gone for most of the coming week. It has to do with my Child and how her father chooses not to be human. Yes, you will get a full report (or, as full as possible) when I return.

Until then I found all this cool stuff.

I subscribe to About.com's Wicca Newsletter. This recent note is about persecution of Wiccans/Pagans in other countries and what we - that is anyone who just deems the whole mess as wrong - can do to help. The author also found this tidbit which I think is the best way to have revenge! Let me know what you think about these.

Peace

Of Illness & Cleaning

I've been taking even more steps toward de-cluttering my home and my life. It is working out pretty well. It is difficult, though, to just let some things "go"; but, gosh, I just can't figure out how to clone myself! I will have to write a post dedicated to what I have been doing - in more detail - and where I found some of my inspiration - one from Willow :)

My spouse - who is rarely ill - has been sick for a week. So sick, in fact, he did not go to work for 2 days! This is unheard of! Because of this, even less stuff got "done" around the home; and the phone rang more often with MIL checking on him 2 or 4 times a day. He is finally coming out of it, but, guess what? Yup - my turn! I'm not proud like him - I will take any manner of OTC or homeopathic remedies I can find to be (somewhat) human during waking hours.

I've already started my morning asking Goddess to give me strength and wellness during the day, and then, while I sleep, give me strength to heal. I've also asked her forgiveness for using the elixirs and 'candies' made by Dr. Vicks and Dr. Ricola. I think she is OK with it.

Peace

Even More stuff I won't have time to read

While doing some research on a program I heard this past week, I came across this blog Viva La Feminista. I do not consider myself a feminist; I don't know if anyone would ever put me in that group. I believe in women's rights - I believe in human rights. But, I also want to be the woman who stays home and takes care of the house and children while the man works. In this society of ours, that cannot occur unless the man makes beaucoup bucks - which my loving husband does not. So, I work, and go to school.

Anyway, I like this blog. The author does not strike me as a "strict" feminist or as an angry woman. You may want to check it out.

Peace

The First Week of February

February was a difficult month for me for nearly 20 years. This month marks the birth of 3 people; one is my Grandfather, which this post is not about. The of the other 2, one is related; the last one is not, really.

With Imbolc on the 2nd, I thought I'd have another chance to drop more guilt and sadness that I associate with this month. But, I did not prepare for Imbolc and I did not prepare for the month.

Guilt and sadness are self-imposed.
I have never completely dealt with the truth of the situation.
I've talked about it, emailed with people, written about it, too.
The pain lessens, but I do not understand why I still feel the emptiness.
I'm busy with my Child, with school; I should not even notice the hole.

I sincerely hope those of you who celebrated Imbolc had a fine one.

Peace

Almost Ready

Thank you to those who have posted comments and sent me private messages asking about my newest site. It is almost ready!

My biggest problem is not content but the naming of the blog! All the names I've come up with are good ones, but these names could lead the "wrong" people to THIS anon blog! That would be a disaster! I'm working on it....

My second biggest problem is the back ground. I don't want to be stuck with what Blogger has to offer. But, since they "revamped" things, I cannot get a background picture to show up - correctly or at all! So, if anyone has a suggestion or helpful hints on how to add a background, please, please let me know!

Have a glorious day!

Oh, don't forget to get ready for Imbolc!

Peace

Part 2

I'm feeling sad today. Well, more weepy. I thought maybe if I got Part 2 out, it might help.

As soon as I hung up from the discussion, I let out a horrifying scream. The animals hid under the beds and the house was shaking. I didn’t know whether to throw up or dig a hole in the back yard to bury myself.

I regained my composure and started to call everyone – my therapist, child's therapist, my Parent, my Sibling, my lawyer. I left messages for everyone. I called the police and asked if there was something they could do; they said that, if child did not return on the scheduled date, to call again and then they could do something. That something would be to go to where child was, bring child back, and arrest the ex.

For the next 3 days, I walked around the house, taking down and putting away everything that reminded me of child - photos, drawings; I cleaned out the child's bathroom cupboard shelves, pitching anything I thought was too old or un-usable. It took me 2 days to be able to go into child's room; that is where I put everything I collected. My spouse was upset with me “cleaning”, but it was the only way I could deal with what had happened. I didn’t know when – or if – I would be seeing child again.

Thinking of torturing myself again

I think those of us who take chances in our lives are more apt to be hurt and laid out for all to see. I also think that this same group grows more (and faster) emotionally and Spiritually. Of course, if I could learn things without having to fall off rocky cliffs, being sheared all the way down, I'd be much happier. But, my life is not meant to be that way. I don't fight it any more.

I'm thinking of starting a new blog. I'll keep this one, but, my new blog will deal with my soon-to-be professional life. I won't be able to link to it from here without giving myself away. So, once I get the new blog and the concept together, I'll let you know. And, if anyone is interested in reading the new blog, we will figure out how to get you there.

Peace

Part 1

As promised, I will start to tell what happened during the last week of December.

Part 1

Child called me on my cell. Child said my ex wanted to talk to me. I asked child why child did not know. I asked if there was an emergency - the answer was no. I told child that I would call my ex later, when I was home.

Later, I called my ex. He told me “they” talked with the lawyer and lawyer said child could (a) J would return Home and stay until child decided to return to ex's; (b) child would return home and then return to ex's as soon as school year was over; or (c) child would stay with ex and not come home. Ex said child told him child wants to stay with him and not return home. Ex also this because I had "no right" to "sue" for custody. I explained that I was not “suing” – I just wanted legal documentation that showed me as the primary custodial parent. I also ex that child told “us” (me, husband, counselor) that child wanted to be with me for at least one more year. Ex said, “I think you need to talk to child about that.” So, I did.

Child gave me the same "speech" – “they” talked to the lawyer, what the options were…but, child wants to come home and, at the end of school, discuss what to do next. I told child the ex had a different idea. Child said that didn't make sense because child told ex the same thing. I told child she needed to have another talk with my ex. She put ex back on phone.

Ex said child doesn't want to leave him. I asked about certain legal restrictions about child's travel; he said lawyer could have those changed in a day. I said I was not OK with this and that child should return to finish her commitments. Ex said nothing. I said, “You aren’t going to allow her to return, are you?” Ex said he wasn't. Ex put child back on phone.

I told child what ex said. Child said, “No, that’s not it.” I heard her ex in the background yelling at child. Suddenly, child said, “I’m not coming back.” I said, “OK. When did you change your mind?” Child said she didn’t know. I asked if it was before or after she arrived in at ex's. Child said it was after because “we did a lot of thinking about it” and it made the most sense to stay. I asked to talk to ex. Ex got back on the phone. I asked when I would see child again and he said, “I dunno; I’ll have to think about that. Goodbye.” and hung up.

Dealing

You Are the Ego

You take a balanced approach to your life. You definitely aren't afraid to act out on your desires - even crazy ones. But you usually think first. Morals drive you as much as hedonism does. You've been able to live a life of pleasure... without living a life of excess.

Are You Id, Ego, or Superego?

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English 15% Upper Midwestern 15% Yankee 5% Dixie 5% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

You Are Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Cream

You just don't know when you've had enough (or too much)!

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

Kriest on a Krtutch

I could just scream!

Just when I started working on getting some spirituality back into my life

BAM

The bastard - excuse me - my child's father calls me to nit-pick because HE deserves more respect and conditions than I do. Why? Well after all, child has lived with him her whole life! I was calm til that point.

Damn, I'm angry!

And then there was one...

I used to keep 3 blogs. Then, with NO readership to one of them, I cut to 2.
With my new "business venture" I went back to 3. There was NO readership for the "business venture" blog - which is fine... - so, I was at 2.
Earlier this week, the other blog was discontinued...due to lack of interest - by readers and me.
So, I've just got this one.
Which is fine.
I need simplicity. That is my goal for this "Christian" Calender year - making things simpler and less cluttered in my life.
Wish me luck...

Peace.

p.s. Is there a Goddess or God of De-Cluttering?

Patience, Poppit

I've written my letter and sent it on to Bridgette. Once I know she has it, I will post the recent scare. Until then...

What would happen if a Pagan ran for President? I think they are too smart to do so, but, if Mitt Romney is going too re-write the Constitution to align with (his version) of what (his) God wants - if he is elected President - and people don't seem upset by this - imagine what clear-thinking Pagans could do!

I can't find the exact speech I heard about on Air America, but I did find this one which sounds more like a sermon than a political speech.

p.s. Didn't Mr. Obama once state he was a Muslim?

So, I'll do it

I have decided to write about the kidnapping, threats, and Spiritual tearing and posting it on this blog.

However, before I can do so, I must write it in a letter to the person who has been by my side - Spiritually and otherwise - for the last few years. My "sister" Bridgette.

Once I write the letter and send it off, I will publish a version here.

Be patient, please.

In the meantime, any help or advice on re-affirming my Beliefs - I need new books to read, too - would be greatly appreciated.

Peace

Oh Pen who art glorified

I've thought about writing the recent experience. My Premier blog-friend tells me I should. Perhaps this will help heal my ripped Spiritualness too? Of course, Willow's tape is helping.

If I decide to write about it, it may not appear until next week. I also don't know if it will be one entry, or many. Bear with me, please.

Peace

Arrival

First, thanks to those of you who have sent me comments and emails giving me hope and strength.

Second, she is home - safe. There will be a lot of talking in this house today.

My spirituality has taken a hit - more like a knife making a gashing hole. I'm not sure how to fix it this time.

Peace

Update - but no conclusion

According to the airline, someone with my daughter's plane ticket did check in. Whether or not she is on the flight we will not know until this afternoon.

Even if she is on the flight, charges of extortion/blackmail and intent to cause undue emotional harm will be filed.

I will keep you informed.