How Much Slack to Cut

One problem with an anonymous blog is that when "stuff" that I really need to get out comes about, I cannot be 100%.
I need to get it out, though, so, I will do my best.

I've been giving my husband slack for the last year. All relationships - especially those that are marriage/committed - require slack. If not, the relationship breaks. I've been through too many broken relationships - marriages/committed and other. Some were totally my fault, some totally theirs, some equal.

Anyway, it seemed to have started when I lost a job early in '06. The sexual harrassment just wasn't worth the paycheck. Husband got very worried I wouldn't find work and, in his words, we'd be "out in the car living". I did get another job right away - less money, but a job. Still, husband full of stress. Because of the financial stress, husband's fuse grew shorter. Me, being who I am, dealt with it.

Then, his dog passed on. It is always so difficult to lose an animal we love. He wanted to wait to get another dog but, I saw an ad in the paper and, we now have a beautiful female Dog. Husband has only recently bonded with the Dog. Bonded is probably too strong of a word - he is past tolerating but sees Dog as more soemthing to keep me happy than anything else.

Husband has been in pain since before I met him. Lately, it has grown worse. He has been to the doctor, had a battery of tests. At first, it was something serious - then a test proved that wrong. Then, it was something less serious but would need surgery - yesterday he was told that wasn't it either. The doctors here have given up. So has husband. He is in constant pain, but will do nothing more about it. He expects me to give him sympathy, but, if he won't do anything about it, I can only give so much.

Husband's mother (HM) has always been needy and pushy and nosy. Over the last 5 months, she has become more so. She refuses to take responsibility for her actions and expects Husband to be there and do things for her at whim. She shows no appreciation for his/our help and actions. When Husband's Son moved in with her, HM became downright nasty - she complained when he worked, complained when he didn't, complained that he wanted to cook his own food, complained that he wanted the heater on (even 55 is cold for Eskimos). Her newest thing: Husband and I are keeping secrets from her and Son is messing up his life by taking a better job. Unfortunately, husband gets the brunt of this. Talking to her is futile.

So, OK, husband has a lot to deal with. I'm working again (although temporary and part-time) and, yes, Thanksgiving is this week - which he feels he has to make a big deal about.

BUT

Asking him to pick up after himself, take care of chores he said he would help with, and asking him to not wake me when he can't sleep...apparently I'm the bad guy. I'm really tired of hearing the f-word fly, the banging of boots on the floor, the bright lights at 4 in the morning - all because he tripped over something that has been in the same place for 3 years or "my dog" is drinking water.

I could go on...I won't.

So, how much slack do I cut?