Faith or "How Christian Guilt got the Better of Me"

Faith.

Willow reminds me of this.

Old Guilt "tells" me I'm not allowed to have it. After all, I haven't had a decent ritual in months; I haven't been reading any Wicca books lately; my time spent outside has been minimal. I don't "deserve" Faith. (kind of like not going to church...)

But, I do.

Faith.

Today I will find out if I will have help attaining my life-long dream. (My second life-long dream of hanging out with a particular animal is put on hold until I win the lottery.) Back to point...

Faith is what I have this morning - what I will re-attach to my Soul. It will take a while, as I must do it piece-by-piece. The first piece was pocketed in my Soul today.

Thank you.

Peace

Looking a Gift Horse in the....

Things have been fairly lousy the last year or so. Yes, Freya is here - I think I need another name for her....But as for money, love, and general peace (piece?) of mind, it hasn't been working out so well.

This week, however, life is looking up. They are small steps (which I knew they would be) and there are no promises hidden in those prints. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I cannot become excited about the prospects.

With the Sun in Scorpio, I should be having a burst of power and energy; I have neither, in any facet of my life. I have a burst of hope, and a burst of activity, and finally a burst of Sun-shine. But...but...

BUT

My pessimism has gotten the better of me. Oh, sure, I can put on the happy face, act perky and spew out optimism and helpful hints. I'm pleasant, well-mannered, courteous, interested, and talkative. It is all for others - it is all an act. Could this be why I'm not sleeping well?

Sure, look a the bright side! See the glass as half-full! Look at the possibilities!

*blech* It frightens me to exhaustion - what if these things don't work out? What if someone decides they didn't make the right decision? How do I know what my instincts are telling me if I've been so apt to not listen lately?

Faith & Hope. Without those, we would perish.

I'm not quite ready to perish.

Peace

Explanations

In "their" words:

The energy intensifies as the Sun slips into passionate Scorpio and we face the approach of winter's long nights. The leaves fall to the ground and we think about our mortality, along with the mysteries of the death-rebirth cycle. We want to talk about these experiences beyond language as retrograde Mercury aligns with the Sun today. The Moon's entry into impetuous Aries shows our current lack of patience as we take this journey into the unknown.

In Ligeia's words:

Anxiety boils in my veins
the Sting of love and commitment
Dark, loneliness spreading ever faster
hidden and in the Open simultaneously
Translations lost
Unsure of which way to run
grasping fore the Sense of it
Abating the desperation
Praying for strength
Courage

Sinking Feelings

I'm not getting lost in the bottomless pit again.
Not the emotional one.
I have too much to live for -
Freya.

A Song in my...

I'm not sure if it is in my head, my heart...or maybe it is just indigestion?

For the last several days - about 6 - I have felt the Julie Andrews urge (you know, run through a field and sing) - problem is, I can't hear the tune and I don't know if it has words - I can only feel it. Literally.

There are many questions I have:

• Are there words?
• Why can't I hear the music? Am I not suppose to?
• How do I express it?
• Should I have butter or cream cheese on my bagel?

Any words of wisdom would be SO MUCH appreciated!

Peace

Heresy

To some, that may be what this post is.

Yesterday I spent time with a woman whose husband is dying. This is the 3rd time I've met with her; because of my pseudo-job (more on that in another post). I've known about her husband's condition since the first time I met her, almost 3 weeks ago. Each time I've met with her, she has come close to tears - losing the love of her life after 50 years will do that to a person. She has a strong belief in the Christian God. She believes her God has given her this "task" of taking care of her dying husband for some greater reason.

She was crying yesterday. She was afraid of being alone, of not knowing what she was going to do when her husband finally passes and she has moved to live near her daughter. She feels old and unable to "start over". My advice to her was to think of it not as starting over but as moving on from that point. Starting over is so overwhelming for people who have had a lifetime of only one type of reality.

Although I do not share her belief of a Christian God, yesterday, I did believe that there is an Ultimate Supreme Being. I believe the Goddess and God are the USB, collectively. I've always had a hard time dividing the USB into more than one; but I've grown in my belief and know, in my Soul, that the USB shows Itself in the forms we need.

Peace