Help from Anonymous

I finally joined WitchVox. If you want to know more, ask and I will email you privately.

I posted the verse I posted here yesterday.

I got advice from an anonymous source. This source told me to listen to the west wind.

This morning, while driving to work, the Sky was a beautiful stormy blue. I remembered the wisdom shared. I slowed down, rolled down the window, and felt the oddly warm breeze on my face. Calmness overcame me. Rejuvenation, too.

I thank Horus for sending this help.

Peace

Emptiness

And the spinning in my head
shooting thoughts screaming to
remove themselves from prison
Sorrow deep and wounding
with despair creeping on
four legs to take over
no silence left to decide
how to accomplish the task of
life

Peering to the Eastern Moon
pleading for guidance
for help and control
Looking inward to the Self
asking for motivation and sincere
effort

Full Sunshine midst
the heavy Darkness
Rain beating furiously on my back
the Earth arid from the droplets
Screeching
Pounding
Searching for answers to be found
Nowhere

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Peace

Mabon

As with most of my celebrations this year, Mabon was quiet and unassuming. Sundays are usually not days Freya and I look forward to. This is a sad state, and it is my duty to change this pallor day. Moving on...

Freya and I took a walk in the morning and took many photos of our land. The Autumn colors are beautiful and vibrant, reminding us that, even though soon these colors will fall and ice-white Winter will arrive, we still have life left in us.

I spent time in the evening meditating and asking myself to have faith in myself. I thanked the Goddess for moving us along and keeping her nurturing glow around us. I wished the God a grand send off, but told him he must leave part of himself behind to keep me motivated! I'm so selfish.

Peace

How to Play Nice

Felt I needed to share this today. Yes, I know, it is Mabon. You will get more on my celebration tomorrow.

From About.com: (paraphrasing)

• If you are upset with someone, remember, you could be found out and then need to explain.
• Don't reprint lots of other blog entries without permission.
• Respond to comments.

Peace

Time...

I was making time - well, I'm not that powerful (snicker). Seriously, I had time. Now, it is gone again. Why? Work. I don't mind the money - the electric bill needs paid - but I mind the loss of "me" time. Which, includes, this blog (and my other blog that I can't mention here :)

One thing I will find time to do is put links on this page to those blogs that I visit. If you find yourself on the list, and you don't want to be there, let me know. If you don't find yourself on the list and you want to be there, let me know that too!

Oh, give me a day or two to get the list up, please.

And, thanks to everyone who has commented. You deserve "real" replies - that may take a day or two, too.

Peace

New Moon

I am praying the Goddess will see fit to allow this New Moon to lead me in the direction of more calmness, prosperity in the monetary and relationship sense. I am also hoping to find a way to close the door on a "friendship" that just didn't work out, and the moving on of my best friend.

Peace

Why I should stop...but don't

You'd think Themas would have finished doin' her thing by now, but, nope! We are still in a bit of a life 'n death struggle with the pantomime Princess Margaret...er, sorry, got a bit Python there.

We are still in a struggle for the well-being of Freya.

I read the ex's wife's blog about once a week. I can't handle every day; and the entries I do read, most make me want to throw up.

I should really stop reading. The reason I don't is that all the nonsense builds my case. Sad, actually.

I have to remember to do some deep breathing and ask for some courage before I willy-nilly logon to her blog. If not, things that make me so f***ing mad get my stomach churning and, thus, put my mind in a foul state.

I suppose it is a good thing that Freya's father has someone he can devote himself to and do things for that he would not devote himself to or do things for me. In other words, all those things I found important and he found unnecessary are suddenly right and necessary with her. And, yes, she knows this and, yes, she does flaunt it - "he wouldn't dare do this for the bio-mom...because she was undeserving". Yes, that is written in the history.

OK, enough, right?

Peace

HA!

You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!
-Taken from: Henry IV, part I

Have to get it out

I had decided a while back to not write about my struggles with my Daughter (Freya) and the female that married Freya's father. Lately, however, it has been building and I've just got to get it out.

If you do not want to read rantings, leave now.

After a long struggle, Freya is finally here. We only have a few pieces of paper and a few months to go before it is permanent. While she is here I have not disallowed her contact with her father and his female. However, I am going to change my mind.

Freya receives packages and emails from the female quite often. Phone calls are few and far between - and Freya's father seems to have forgotten how to communicate with her.

I had promised myself I would not turn this into a "you wouldn't let me, so I'm not going to let you" thing, but, it may come to that. I'll just have to find a way to explain it to Freya without actually saying "why should I let that female do and give to you what I was chastised in doing?"

Of course, I will have to tell you why...I must. It is eating me inside and I have no other way to let it out.

Phone calls consisting of "things aren't the same without you" , "we don't know how to have a normal day without you" , "I'm not going to have a party because you aren't here". Now, had I said those things (and, yes, I have said the first statement) I would be chastised and not allowed to speak to Freya. I lie not.

Another part of this is emails. "We - no I - miss you more than anyone" , "why can't we IM - you don't have to let her know we are talking" , "I'm so sad without you here - even your dad can't make me happy." Psycho Psyicko

Now, the blog: *note: just in case, i've changed some words, but not the meaning*

i could work to make things better for her. giving her what makes people feel safe and secure like boundaries, guidelines, consistency, love, nurture, doing what you say you are going to do.

Odd, I had done that for 6 years while Freya's father said "let her eat paste" Oh, I forgot, I'm the evil bio-mom.

And more:

i was a mother to her without stepping on her birth mother

Yep, I'm just the case that carried her for 9 months, put up with her father's "I need to be me" $hit and gave Freya all her building blocks (mentally) for 6 years.

I'm having a talk with my lawyer, my therapist, and my Goddess on how to handle this. I cannot have Freya subjected to this guilt or "adult talk". She is young and should be concerned with young things.

Thank you.

Peace